I know it’s been a bad few weeks for you. I know you get more tired each day. And with the added storms in all the states that your children are in must make it that much more panic ridden. You haven’t complained once of the pain you deal with each and every minute of every day. Why? How did you become so strong?
Alabama was toppled and I promise that sooner or later I will be able to tell you something, anything about your son. Lets just keep wishing for the best.
What fabulous news that finally you have been placed on “the list” for a heart procedure to extend your life on Earth. I know it’s going to be a very long and grueling wait and you may not live long enough to even get to the middle of the list but you are on the list and that’s one step closer to help that you deserve. I wish you could smile like I did when I heard.
We talked the other night of our fears. I learned our list isn’t any different. We fear our children’s lives are at stake in here in America whether the economy plays a role or health care or even mental health. We fear death, because we don’t know. We fear future because we don’t know. We fear the unknown but we fear it together, only my dear shows but yours doesn’t. Thank you for listening to my ramblings for my whole life, you know I think a lot, I analyse for hours or even days on end. Thank you for the strength you hold in you to help ME through YOUR ordeal, for lack of a better word of what you are dying from. Thank you for explaining pulmonary hypertension; which it seems will be what they type onto your death certificate as a cause for death. I can not imagine drowning without being in water. How do you remain sober? Well you let me know that you really are at the point that one beer puts you into a stupor because your body no longer filters, wow what a way to remain sober!
I haven’t heard from you in a while which to me seems like a lifetime. I want to call but you get mad if I do, so I wait just like always. When the phone is silent for this long without your voice on the other, I worry the end passed and it will never ring again with you on the other end. I can only hope I haven’t missed the chance to say goodbye.
Maybe I should call even if it upsets you, my phone will be turned off sometime today but you know how that goes. Do I call? Probably not.
As you can see I’ve added to my menu, there is now a new page called Dear Daddy. I speak with my father all of the time, unfortunately July of 2010 I had to move and am now about 6 hours from him, well depending on how many times I stop to pee. My Dad has and will always be my number 1 hero, there is no one I respect and admire more than my Daddy. He’s been there for me so many times and there is no one better to talk history and politics with, my Dad couldn’t possibly be any better of a Dad than he has been or is currently. I love him with my whole heart.
My Dad is currently in end stage heart failure caused by taking Avandia for 7 years. There is nothing else they can do and he will die, he’ll drown in is own blood because his heart will stop pumping it.
I’ve added this page because of the love, understanding and laughs he shares with me today. These are letters I write to him, letters that say what my heart is unable to say to him. My soul will hurt when he is gone. So I’m doing it to honor his last days and to help myself deal with the hurt that is happening already and will only get worst for both of us.