Category Archives: Comedy

In Which I Make A Car Salesman Shut Up Immediately

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Okay this post has absolutely no value other than to show you that I have zero and I mean zero filter from my brain to my mouth.  Do I blame Bipolar Disorder for it, Alcoholism????  No, I blame my brain…simple as that.

So I have a friend who needs to buy a new car; CAN buy a new car but is intimidated by car salesmen so I agree to go because I’ve been in sales since I was 19 so they don’t intimidate me in the least.  Chevy dealership, no biggie.  Lets go look at that Sonic (Yuck) that he wants.  It’s a girly car and he’s a guy but hey…okay.  Car salesman wants us to go inside so he can find keys to the car that my friend wants to test drive.  While he does that we feel the pull to the convertible (beautiful) blue corvette.  Car salesman comes back, stands behind me while I’m looking in the car and says,

“Would you like to sit in it?”

I of course have no filter and say,

“There are many things I would like to do you while sitting inside this car.”

Oh did I mention that this car salesman was absolutely in his twenties, absolutely in business attire (which I’m a sucker for) and absolutely hot?  Yeah I need a filter for my brain, well okay my mouth because he shut up really quick and so did every other person who was standing in ear shot of us including my friend.  All I could do was blank stare my friend and say,

“Did I say that out loud?”

My friend didn’t go off that lot with a Chevy Sonic.  As a matter of fact I had an unbelievable urge to leave shortly after that.

I need a brain to mouth filter you all, where do I buy one?

He’s The Pizza Delivery Guy!

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Just a little HaHa for our Friday moods.

A large US consulting company was feeling it was time for a shakeup so hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”

The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did

here?”

From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy.”