I’ll Be Honest ~ Keep It Simple Saturday

I’m having issues with sobriety, not that any of you would have any reason to think other than that.

I’ll also be honest and say, I’m a good person.  I hate alcoholism.  I hate addiction. I hate watching everyone go through it, including loved ones that have to deal with people like myself.

Honestly, people like myself die from their addictions.  It’s a fact.  I have to deal with that on a daily basis but yet I don’t do anything about it.  I will die of active alcoholism.

You know what I want?  I don’t want to cure MY alcoholism or mental illness, I want to touch someone else enough to help them stay sober or alive.  To be honest, that’s all I want in life.

Just to help one person to stay alive…

Keep It Simple Saturday

Seeing as how it’s 12:14 am, I’ll go ahead and post my Saturday post and you all can wake up to it.  Lovely right?

It’s important everyday to practice discipline even on our days off. Discipline needs to remain simple for some of us like waking, eating, or going to bed at the same time everyday even on our days off. It also means to learn to say fuck it when you’ve realized you have put too much on your plate for the day.

Today, I’m remaining vigilant in my discipline and am simply going to live happily knowing that I am doing the right thing.

What is simple about your Saturday?

Keep It Simple Saturday

Hello.  My name is Bats and I’m a bipolarized alcoholic.  And no bipolarized is not a real word, I own it and have rights to it. HA! No really but it’s hard to start a post out like that.

I hate being Bipolar and I hate being an alcoholic.

I hate loving alcohol more than anything else in the world.

I hate the fact that every couple weeks I feel manic, uncomfortable, crazy.

I hate the fact that after feeling manic, I hate myself so much that I think the world would be better without me.

I hate the fact that I self medicate with alcohol.

I love the fact that I can admit all of this.

I love the fact that I have this website where I can admit this at.

I love the fact that (to a point) I am safe here.

I am GRATEFUL for little things; like a cup of decaffeinated coffee or a sigh from my dog.

I am GRATEFUL for the moon because it makes me feel comfortable.

I am GRATEFUL because this post can be called Keep It Simple Saturday and there was nothing simple about it.  I guess that actually means I am GRATEFUL for tolerance.

 

Sunday Sayings

This is a lot like I get right before I swing way down into a black abyss of depression.  No emotion, no mania, no depression, just nothing.  I call it my gray area of Bipolar Disorder.  It sucks bat brains.

It’s Friday & I’m The Most Frustrated I’ve Ever Been

Howdy.  My post is quite late, I know. I’ve been trying all week to get my supposed Psychiatrist (whom I have yet to even meet) to fill my prescriptions.  Finally today right before the pharmacy closed, I was able to get them to call them in.  It should not take almost two weeks to get this done.  And now Monday I have to start intensive outpatient treatment for substance abuse, I have no clue what this entails because no one will answer my questions.  I’m just told “If you don’t do it then you don’t see the doctor or get your meds, so it doesn’t matter what it entails.”  Hell I haven’t even met my doctor yet!!!!  Yup, this is the public mental health help that is available in my state.  Quite honestly I’m almost to the point that I may just pay out-of-pocket to see a doctor and get actual help.  I’m sick of being talked down to and feeling degraded just because I have a mental health issue and am alcoholic.  It took a lot for me not to scream into the phone “FUCK YOU!” at the woman today, it took a whole damn lot.

I’m the most frustrated I’ve ever been.