She Gives It Her All

I’m going to let you into a small section of my life.  It means I won’t be completely anonymous anymore but hey this chick deserves the kudos and I’m going to give it to her.


You see that chick there, in the orange shirt, settling the ball, getting ready to assist in one of the greatest goals I’ve ever seen (and yes it’s because she assisted in it), that’s my daughter.  On this blog we call her Smarts.  And yes she is a foot smaller than every other child that is pretty much the same age as her on that field.  She’s AWESOME.  This was during the spring season and her team went Undefeated the whole season.  That right there is a Hokie, pride and true, completely at heart.  She assisted many goals through the season, she played every position with her whole heart, except goalie.  Not yet and most likely never since most people can kick the ball higher than she could reach, plus my chicky is scared she’ll be hit in the face so I’m not pushing her on it.

Seriously, this kid is awesome.  She puts her heart and soul into everything, EVERYTHING.  Okay except cleaning her room, that never happens.  BUT I can take that with a grain of salt since she literally lives from her soul, she lives and understands life.  I want to be her when I grow up, I want to love life like she does.

Yeah, I love that kid.

It’s Friday & A Tad of Updates

Hug your loved ones, just hug them if you can.

I am writing to update you all about my littlest one, my brother and well okay yes that.

The last I posted about my littlest one he was in serious trouble but since he’s been on the breathing treatments, he’s been downgraded (YAY) to just bronchitis. I hate to be selfish here but I have no clue how I would afford a hospital stay for little man, and I have no clue how I am going to afford the hospital visit for him that happened for the tests but I figure the can call and hassle me for all nothing is worth.  You can not get blood from a rock. And that’s my nonsense for the next five minutes.  So he’s getting better, he even has been able to go back to school.  He absolutely ROCKS!

I just want to share that his favorite super hero is Spiderman, unlike Mom but hey I can get with the web slinging action.  Although we had a wonderful conversation tonight that sent my heart just soaring…

“Spiderman is way too cool Mom.”

“Why?”  Wanting to say..What the Hell is wrong with Bruce Wayne? but didn’t.

“It’s not about the webs Mom.  Well okay it is.”

“I get it dude, I really do now that you mention the webs.”

“No Dude you mentioned the webs.”

And yes that’s the way our conversations go.  And I smile every time.  He’s just cool and I am thankful I have him everyday of my life.  You know at one point of time in my life alcohol meant more to me than that conversation.  Yeah, I know…stupid.

Now to update you about my brother.  He’s lost his damn mind and well I’m not speaking with him currently.  Yesterday it was his birthday and  I so wanted to speak with him…you know almost dying last month and all. ~insert rolling of my eyeballs~  He went back to the great household that he was shot at.  Things are horrible and I want to go down there grab him and kick his ass but I remain calm.  And deal with his lunatic wife’s messages saying that since her dad (the man who shot my brother) is dying, I’ve gotten what I wanted.  You know because I’ve got some magic wand that says when someones time is up.  I just responded with “Please go to bed, try to get a job because tax payers are sick of supporting you.”  That didn’t help at all but hey I have anger issues about this.

So those are my updates and I wish peace upon everyone tonight.  I wish you love and kindness.

Bipolarized Alcoholics Live Too

It’s been a hard week for this woman.  I don’t normally place my personal life about my children out there but the purpose of this blog post is to show you that while it seems my life revolves around alcoholism and Bipolar Disorder, it doesn’t but it sort of does.  Those are just two things in my life that I deal with but they are two things I deal with on a day-to-day basis.  What my world revolves around are my children, they are my heart and soul.  They pick me up when I’m too low to even care about myself anymore.  They are the reason why my heart beats 100 times too fast sometimes.  They are the reason why I can laugh too loud all of the time.

On July 7th at 7 am my youngest turned 7.  You would think that would be pretty darn lucky for the kid.  I took him to the beach for the day because all he wanted for his birthday was to swim in the ocean; well that and Pokemon cards.  On the 9th he started 2nd grade.  On the 10th he woke up sick as hell and his health has been dramatically going down hill since then.  He’s been to the doctors 3 times in this week.  Sunday night I called the doctor and let him know that look this kid is sick, we need to figure this out now, NOW damn it.  Not to mention we are one’s that don’t have health insurance, this has been incredibly costly.  Did you know the FDA made a decision that doctors can no longer give out free samples of medication?  For me that’s detrimental.  Just to pay to walk into a doctor’s office is incredibly costly but medication is even more costly, if you want the right medication.

Anyway, we spent the day yesterday at the doctor’s office and hospital.  Even in the course of all this drama and sickness, my son made every last person he met yesterday laugh and smile.  That’s just the type of person he is and I hope that for his whole life he stays that way.  I say this often and I’ll say it to you all too; I want to be like my son when I grow up.

Example:  the nurse is explaining to him why and how she’s going to take his blood, he’s never had his blood drawn before.

“How big is the needle?” he says.

“I’m going to use a baby needle on you, will that be okay with you?”

“Sure, but just to let you know dude, I may scream.” (Yes he called her dude, I wonder where he gets that from. 🙂 )

This nurse busted out laughing and said she appreciated his honesty.

Anyway after all of the testing the doctor phones me and lets me know I need to come back into his office and discuss the testing.  Sigh…I was sure he would just phone in a really expensive antibiotic since the one he is on now obviously isn’t working.  It turns out he has a lower respiratory infection that is viral and since he’s been pretty much healthy his whole life, literally I can not remember the last time he even had the common cold, his body is having a problem fighting it off.  I also learned that to have a viral infection in your lungs is one of the most dangerous infections for our body.  Think about it for a second, it’s trying to destroy this little boys lungs, this care free, hilarious little boy of only 7 has gone from not even having to think about breathing to struggling to do it.  So he’s on breathing treatments for right now and Tylenol for the fever and we head back into the doctors in two days.  If there is no progress with the breathing treatments, we’ll discuss hospitalization.


So that’s where my mind is at, so that’s what I am doing, so that’s why I am a freak right now.

Now to the purpose of my post.

If I was drunk, I wouldn’t have been able to deal with this.  I wouldn’t have cared to even make any decisions or phone calls about this.  Much less be able to afford anything; which I can’t but I think you know what I mean.

Sometimes it’s good to be sober.

Happy Hallmark Holiday, Mother

A long time ago I read a blog post on a myspace site that pretty much said that mothers day was the day we all should thank our mothers for life, they are all deserving of a pat on the back atleast one day of the year.  Well this is my mothers day tribute this year to my mother.

Not all mothers are created equal. 

Some mothers have the heart to have a child and instead of providing a crib for her baby to sleep in, she places a blanket in a dresser drawer and places her baby in there to sleep so that way when the baby cries, the drawer can be closed.

Some mothers don’t brush your hair or teach you the fine intricate pattern of placing a pony tail in your hair and when the daughter complains because other mothers do it, she pulls out the curling iron and curls your hair so tight that it burns your scalp.

Some mothers don’t think their children deserve to have their jackets zipped by their mothers.  So when she sees you have a problem with the zipper, she yells and zips the jacket up so that the zipper gets caught on your chin, then yells at you while she upzips it enough to pull the skin off and yells at you while you stand there bleeding.

Some mothers don’t keep the gifts or crafts a child spends time on a school.  No, some mothers throw them away in front of you right after you give them to her without even smiling.

Some mothers don’t want their daughters to claim more attention from anyone other than her so she gets drunk, pops her pills and then runs to the nearest drawer for a butcher knife to kill off the attention seeking child or the person whom thinks the child deserves attention or love.

Some mothers forbid their daughters to play sports or play outside with others.  That would require watching the child or giving them attention because of any jobs well done.

Some mothers think that because they lie non stop so does the attention seeking child.  When the child just wants danger to stay away and tries to solve the dangerous problem by telling her parents, the mother makes sure everyone knows this child is a liar and is not capable of the truth.  So when the child admits to being molested or raped then the mother says to others, “She lies, that’s what she does.” and says to the daughter, “You will go to hell for lying and pulling this shit.”  She then makes sure the lying child is placed somewhere locked up as punishment for all the lies and deceit the daughter is capable of.

Some mothers don’t believe a daughter should drive a car, that would mean the daughter could then escape the torture or strain.

Some mothers see to it that their daughter knows no love, compassion, happiness, confidence, self respect, self love, or a smile on her face when she looks in the mirror.

No, not all mothers are equal.

It’s Friday & Feeling Like a Flapjack

I’m never really excited about fridays, well atleast not now.  I mean hell I don’t drink so there went that whole idea, I’m always at a loss on what’s so exciting about fridays.  I’m sure there is something out there that I just don’t see.

Anyway, I’m having a moral dispute in my mind and not to beat this subject to death (no pun intended) but with more and more information becoming available about what happened in the compound where osama bin laden was found and killed, how can I celebrate, feel okay about what went down?  I mean Holy Bats! there were children in there!!!  It was obviously a bloody experience, and if it’s effected me in this way and I wasn’t even there?  I mean shit, there were kids in there!!! Let me say it again,THERE WERE KIDS IN THERE!!!  I know kids grow up differently in the middle east but their dad was shot in the head and carried out of there and now they are in the hands of the Pakistan government.  I can not imagine the fright that went and still is going through those kids minds and hearts.  And here I sit; safe and sound on my blog talking about it, celebrating their dad’s death.

I should be ashamed of myself.