Did you know you can emotionally die? I didn’t either until a building came crashing down on my chest and my head decided to be a helium balloon. That’s what my body feels like right now. I know it’s insane.
I’ve ask for permission to die. I’ve literally asked for that. Of course I’ve been denied. People who are in final stages of cancer, diabetes, and heart failure get to make that decision but I don’t.
I’m in the final stages of Bipolar Disorder. It’s disgusting, embarrassing, painful, and raw.
I have lost everything to this Disorder. I’ve lost everything to Alcoholism.
There’s no coming back Bob.
i tried to reply. it’s been a long time . don’t know if you get this. I’ve tried suicide. it was shit. the evil dead really are evil and boring. just hateful voices . i drove for 9 straight miles at 145 miles an hour . that was cool. insane but a rush. i used to skydive when I was younger . just to see . but i was never brave enough to jettison my chute . i still get down. i still think suicide everyday. but fuck if ill be medicated anymore . today is bad. tomorrow might be bad. but it might be good. it’s tomorrow i live for. I’ve tried not to sleep with wimmin; the emotional damage is chaotic. shit happens. fml (I’m gonna get that worked into a tattoo. i drink too much. I’m going to stop. it takes more than it gives . I’ve tried to stop labelling myself as bipolar. I’m just different . pain and misery is just too easy to dwell upon. i hate my life. life is shit. etc etc. no. life is shit. but it can be good. maybe not now. maybe never. but maybe one day.