For Today I Survived…

I didn’t graduate highschool, big surprise huh?  I was expelled out of the public school system and placed into a “short bus” school for well…being out of control.  Was I out of control or was I in a 5  year manic episode? I dunno.  Good question though.  But hear me out…

I spoke recently about when I was 12.  I spoke about the severe turmoil that entered my life and defining it so dramatically.  But what I didn’t speak about was what my thinking became like.  In AA there’s that good ol saying “Live One Day At A Time” and even so many years before my first AA meeting that’s one thing that I had to instill in my head, in my life.  I survived today and repeat the same process the next day, that’s what my life became; how can I stay alive and well for today?  How do I survive today? 

When I was smaller my dream was to become a veterinarian but when I started my survival thinking that dream was put on a back burner and I didn’t realize that when you live like that, you forget you had goals and dreams because your goal becomes living one day at a time.  You forget you need an education to be successful, not necessarily when your 17 and moving out of your parents house but to grasp taking care of yourself financially, and taking care of what you want to be when you grow up.  So when I dropped out of highschool my brain didn’t send the red flags that I needed to remind myself that in order to have a career that you want to do, in order to be whatever you wanted when you grew up, you needed an education, you needed the diploma and a college degree.  I thought I was doing fine as long as I was still breathing and surviving.  So when I got a tax paying job when I was 19 (my first job that wasn’t illegal), I didn’t put the thought together that I needed to still carry on my education so later in life I could be whatever I wanted to be, I could be a successful business woman or a veterinarian.  I started that job and ended up working 60 hours a week until I turned 26 and had my daughter.  I made sure I had no time to worrying about any day other than the one right now.

I’m now learning since both my children are in school that since there’s no college education, no diploma; there’s no job.  I’m now learning and being reminded of my past that my thinking has been screwed up so much that I just don’t know how to even get started with fixing any of my mistakes.  I’m now a nobody; no job, no successful business woman, no veterinarian, no American dream. 

By screwing up my thought process even at such a young age, I’ve screwed up my whole life.


It just took me forever to get into my admin, I thought that whole ddos attack was over???  Anyone know? 

Anyway…Poll…over there <~~~~  Vote.  Thanks.  There will be a post that has to do with it tomorrow but I don’t have the patience to deal with errors right now.

Okay carry on…

End of Nablopomo 0809

42-17182418See this stack of papers, binders, and folders?  That’s pretty much what my school work pile has grown into.  I haven’t been able to do any school work at all.  I know shame on me, I have an excuse though!  I know again shame on me for making excuses.  I get up at 7am, I get my daughter ready for school, she’s on the bus by 8:30am and then it’s time to get my son ready for the day.  Let’s see, hmmmmm, chores and playing last until about 4pm and then I get my daughter off the bus.  Anyway I have to call people from 6-9pm and then it’s brush teeth, get clean and time for bed for my kids.  By this time, I am exhausted and most of the time I am in bed by 10pm.  I DO feed them by the way.  So anyway I guess you are wondering why I am telling you all of this?  Well sadly I am going to have to bow out of Nablopomo for the month of September.  I HAVE to get caught up with everything around here especially my school work.  You WILL hear from me though, just not everyday anymore.  I’m not happy I’m going to have to get out of bed around 5:30am for the time being until I can get caught up.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!  Happy Blogging Everyone!

It Is What It Is

I am working for the smallest amount of money I have ever worked for.   Please don’t get me wrong, I’m still doing the job but it’s nothing like the way it was explained to me and I’ll actually be making 1/4 of what I was told I would be making but like I told my hubby I’ll do it for 30 -60 days and if I decide the money isn’t worth it, then I’ll make a decision.  I know what you’re thinking, “ummmmmmmm Bats, you’re about to lose your house and you have no money.  How can you be picky?!?”  Well let me see if I can explain my side of thinking here…the all time best time of the day to telemarket is between 6-9pm Mon-Fri and 9-12 Sat., and those are the hours I thought they were asking me to work, well during the training class I actually was told how this goes and none of it was the way it was explained to me over the phone.  They give me an assignment, a quota goes with the assignment and they have the amount of authorized hours I am allowed to be paid for.  Sooooooo  my first assignment was I needed to schedule 30 pick ups and I was only going to get 5 authorized hours to get paid so another words they’re telling me it should take me only 5 hours to set those 30 pick ups, another thing they added there was that I should beable to schedule those 30 pick up by Sunday evening easy or else I wasn’t going to be keeping the job, another words schedule the damn 30 pick ups by Sunday evening or you don’t get the job!  So I worked a good 4 hours Friday night, 3 hours Saturday morning, another 3 hours Saturday night then a good 4 hours Sunday evening.  Ummmmmmmmm how the hell does that equal 5 hours?  It’s beyond me.  So by the end of the weekend, the dishes weren’t done, laundry awaited me, and kids demanded to be fed ( 😉 ) and school work hadn’t even been thought of BUT the 30 pickups were scheduled and waited for the 31st to arrive.  I wanted, no needed a decomposing day.  The commission is nearly next to nothing but they say that’s how you make the big money at this job…~insert insane laughing smiley here~  So Iwent through a period Sunday night while I listened and became hypnotized by a ringing phone that I actually thought, “you suck at telemarketing, Bats.  What the hell were you thinking?”  Now then telemarketing is one place I KNOW I am good at, I mean shit if you can sell termite insurance over the phone, you are definately good at telemarketing!”  I do not lack confidence in my ability there but for that couple minutes I did doubt myself, I doubted my experience and ability.  I think I was just tired and needed some M&M’s and Doritos, sadly I don’t have any around.

I also thought my son would be going to pre-K this year but after a long wait over the summer with no one sending me information, I called 2 weeks ago.  I was told “Be patient, they get you all the information.”  Well school started yesterday and no information, so I called.

Too Sweet Talking Secretary: No, he can’t attend pre-K here, your husband makes too much money.
Bats: LOL no seriously when does he start?
Too Sweet Talking Secretary: No I’m being serious, you’ll have to find another school for him and pay out of pocket.
Bats: Okay so what you’re telling me is all the information I have been given over the past 6 months is completely false?
Too Sweet Talking Secretary: I apologize for that but it is what it is. For a household of 4, you’d have to only have 39,000 a year as income.
Bats: Jesus H. Christ selling sandels! I would be living in a cardboard box and eating worms for meals if we had to live off of that! Jeesh we can barely survive on what he is making and you’re telling me it needs to be less just to get my son an education that he deserves?
Too Sweet Talking Secretary: Well it is what it is.
Bats: Ya, goodbye.

I was told he would be allowed to attend because of him having a speech developmental problem but alas, it is what it is.

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