Sigh…Cry…Sigh…

I’m sober.  Tired but sober and that’s all that matters to me at this moment.

An emotional breakdown for an alcoholic is ugly.  An emotional breakdown for anyone is ugly.  It’s doable but extremely tiring, heart breaking, and painful.

That’s all I have for right now; sobriety.  I think I’ll keep it.

I Want A Fucking Drink!

This post doesn’t have any cool graphics or hilarious videos.  This post is pure honesty, terrifying honesty, painful honesty.

I want a fucking drink.  I want a drink everyday of my life, every minute, every damn waking hour.  I want to not feel, not think; I want to not be.  I want to be drunk, giddy, happy; I want to be drinking.  I want my head to stop hurting just for a few hours.  I want a fucking drink.

If someone would’ve told me that at 28 months sober to the day I’d be in this much emotional pain from it, I would’ve said “No thanks” and kept drinking my damn life away.  I can not believe I am about to say what I am about to but it’s honest…

I do not want to live like this.

I want a fucking drink.