I thought Tegretol would be the answer to the racing thoughts, no sleeping, no eating, the extreme mania and depression I was in but it wasn’t; it sent me so far over the edge I’m lucky to be blogging right now.
I just got home yesterday from a 13 day stay at a county psychiatric hospital, which just so happen to also be my 38th birthday. I’ll name the hospital in a later post because I can tell you even where I was at emotionally I could tell the county of the state I am in is failing miserably with mental illness help.
*UPDATE* I will not be naming the hospital. I do not want anyone to feel as though they can’t go for help. It’s important that if you feel out of control emotionally to seek help as soon as possible. You can do this by dialing 911 or the suicide prevention line at 1-800-273-8255 and they will point you in the correct direction and help you through it. You are not alone.
Tegretol made me want to die so much that if I didn’t go to the ER room I would be dead right now. I put my kids on their buses that morning and gave them extra hugs and kisses with the intent that I would never see them again at least, not on Earth. In the ER they were extremely helpful, compassionate, and understanding. They chose to admit me to a county hospital (involuntarily) to get me off Tegretol and Trazodone, also find something to help me out with the chemical imbalance that’s going on in my noggin. After 13 days, I’m now on Depakote, Vistaril, and Thorazine. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist that they found for me and am hopeful that doctor can help me out more then what the psychiatrist that I was seeing could. You know she knew I was going to the ER because of wanting to die and she hasn’t called since to find out if I’m even alive. Talk about a smack in the face, talk about not giving a shit about another human being.
Anyway I just wanted to pop in and say Hi.
I’m so lucky to be blogging right now.