Tegretol Sent Me So Far Over the Edge I’m Lucky to be Blogging

I thought Tegretol would be the answer to the racing thoughts, no sleeping, no eating, the extreme mania and depression I was in but it wasn’t; it sent me so far over the edge I’m lucky to be blogging right now.

I just got home yesterday from a 13 day stay at a county psychiatric hospital, which just so happen to also be my 38th birthday.  I’ll name the hospital in a later post because I can tell you even where I was at emotionally I could tell the county of the state I am in is failing miserably with mental illness help.

*UPDATE*  I will not be naming the hospital.  I do not want anyone to feel as though they can’t go for help.  It’s important that if you feel out of control emotionally to seek help as soon as possible.  You can do this by dialing 911 or the suicide prevention line at 1-800-273-8255 and they will point you in the correct direction and help you through it.  You are not alone.

Tegretol made me want to die so much that if I didn’t go to the ER room I would be dead right now.  I put my kids on their buses that morning and gave them extra hugs and kisses with the intent that I would never see them again at least, not on Earth.  In the ER they were extremely helpful, compassionate, and understanding.  They chose to admit me to a county hospital (involuntarily) to get me off Tegretol and Trazodone, also find something to help me out with the chemical imbalance that’s going on in my noggin.  After 13 days, I’m now on Depakote, Vistaril, and Thorazine.  I have an appointment with a psychiatrist that they found for me and am hopeful that doctor can help me out more then what the psychiatrist that I was seeing could.  You know she knew I was going to the ER because of wanting to die and she hasn’t called since to find out if I’m even alive.  Talk about a smack in the face, talk about not giving a shit about another human being.

Anyway I just wanted to pop in and say Hi.

I’m so lucky to be blogging right now.

Hell On Earth

Good news…I haven’t had a drink in almost 2 weeks.

Bad news…I’m in hell…Hell on Earth.

When I last posted; I posted that I was going to see a doctor about getting back on meds so I can get some relief from my Bipolar Disorder.  She tried say I had been misdiagnosed and I am actually ADHD and prescribed me Zoloft and Trazodone.  I had a horrible reaction to what we believe was the Zoloft so she now believes me when I say I AM Bipolar.  She decided to put me on Risperdone and Trazodone.  I stopped taking the Risperdone because I had a horrible reaction to that and couldn’t take it anymore.  I literally think this women is trying to kill me.

I feel unsafe, all of the time now.  I’m scared to be alone with my kids, I’m scared to be alone, I’m scared to be with people, and I can hardly leave my house.

I need help.  I don’t know what to do.

I’m in hell…Hell On Earth.