Keep It Simple Saturday

Hello.  My name is Bats and I’m a bipolarized alcoholic.  And no bipolarized is not a real word, I own it and have rights to it. HA! No really but it’s hard to start a post out like that.

I hate being Bipolar and I hate being an alcoholic.

I hate loving alcohol more than anything else in the world.

I hate the fact that every couple weeks I feel manic, uncomfortable, crazy.

I hate the fact that after feeling manic, I hate myself so much that I think the world would be better without me.

I hate the fact that I self medicate with alcohol.

I love the fact that I can admit all of this.

I love the fact that I have this website where I can admit this at.

I love the fact that (to a point) I am safe here.

I am GRATEFUL for little things; like a cup of decaffeinated coffee or a sigh from my dog.

I am GRATEFUL for the moon because it makes me feel comfortable.

I am GRATEFUL because this post can be called Keep It Simple Saturday and there was nothing simple about it.  I guess that actually means I am GRATEFUL for tolerance.

 

It’s Friday & It’s All About the Moolah

Monster = Bipolar Disorder
Money = I have no more, now. 

Went to see the shrink today and I now have no more money.  Why because not only did she charge me for my usual appointment fee but she also decided she had to charge me for the 9 minute conversation we had on the phone last week.  Yeah, that was conversation where she decided Risperdone was what I needed that almost landed me in a psych ward.  Total cost today, not including a new prescription to yet another med that will probably cause me hell, was close to 500 hundred dollars.  Ummmm….I’m in awe about this and a little pissy.  Seriously.

Anyway, she started me on Tegretol.  Which I’ve taken before.  I had walked up in there with my old bottles of everything that I was on before I stopped taking it because I couldn’t afford medication.  Now I understand why I can’t afford medication because I have to pay the damn doctor to get the medication!  Why she won’t prescribe all 4 of the medications that worked in the past for me is totally beyond me.  “Well you seem to have a sensitive system and I don’t want to overload it.”  But I was on all of these before????

I literally paid someone 500 hundred dollars for a prescription that cost me 4 bucks.  I feel like I’m getting scammed here.

I mean seriously scammed.

It’s depressing.

It makes me anxiety ridden.

It gives me a headache.  Oh wait that might be from the Tegretol or Trazodone.  Nope I’m pretty sure it’s from my now almost empty bank account.

And doctors wonder why people with mental conditions self medicate. Sigh.