These fabulous critters are eating my house. It’s ironic really. When I was 19 I got a job at a company called Senate Termite Control, at that time I lived and worked in VA. later on I moved to the MD office and worked there right up until about a month before I had my daughter. These damn critters seem to be following me. I have a huge respect for them, the way they are, how the colony works and how much damage they can cause to a person’s life and house. I’ve seen damage that you would not believe, just from these insects that look like little pieces of white rice. It’s also symbolic though, something so small has more control over my house then I do. They now fester my brain because I have no clue of how I am going to pay for the chemical so my hubby can treat the house. That’s one positive out of this, that my hubby is working there now again so he’ll just take care of this problem. I wouldn’t trust any other person to treat this problem and get rid of it for us. I still haven’t got the money together for the leaking water pipe and we are now officially two months behind in our mortgage which means foreclosure papers will arrive sometime around Christmas and that process will now begin.
It seems the only “Change” I’ll be getting out of the Obama stimulus package is a change in housing. But ho-hum right? I am so sick and tired of the back and forth arguments in our political system and just wish that they would figure out what they ‘think’ is best for us. HA! I want to go back to the time before 9/11 or actually I want to go back to 9/12/2001, because for just a small amount of time we actually cared about one another in this great nation, we cared when a neighbor was hurt, we cared enough to hold doors open for each other, hell we even cared enough to share the road in an appropriate manner.
But that’s not what this post is suppose to be about. It’s about the fact that I have no control over my life, what so ever. It just seems to have taken on a life of its own and it’s now out of my hands, something else is steering the course and I can’t figure out how to stop it or gain control to slow it down enough so I can jump off.
Last night I sat right where I am right now this minute with a bottle of Crown Royal in my hands, the top was on. I just couldn’t bring myself to take the top off and take that long swig that I so wanted. I imagined the warmth of the whiskey while I would swallow it and the buzzing effect that my brain would feel and then my brain shutting down only concentrating on another swig and another. But I put it back in the bar knowing that there isn’t enough alcohol in this house to satisfy the craving I have. It would take a whole liquor store to turn my brain and feelings into rocks. Instead I went to bed but didn’t sleep just stared at the ceiling fan that wasn’t on because we can’t afford to run it right now.
I need control over my life, I need to get it back. I have to go pace.