Keep It Simple Saturday

Hello.  My name is Bats and I’m a bipolarized alcoholic.  And no bipolarized is not a real word, I own it and have rights to it. HA! No really but it’s hard to start a post out like that.

I hate being Bipolar and I hate being an alcoholic.

I hate loving alcohol more than anything else in the world.

I hate the fact that every couple weeks I feel manic, uncomfortable, crazy.

I hate the fact that after feeling manic, I hate myself so much that I think the world would be better without me.

I hate the fact that I self medicate with alcohol.

I love the fact that I can admit all of this.

I love the fact that I have this website where I can admit this at.

I love the fact that (to a point) I am safe here.

I am GRATEFUL for little things; like a cup of decaffeinated coffee or a sigh from my dog.

I am GRATEFUL for the moon because it makes me feel comfortable.

I am GRATEFUL because this post can be called Keep It Simple Saturday and there was nothing simple about it.  I guess that actually means I am GRATEFUL for tolerance.

 

Moody Monday

Mood:  Anxious.  Okay almost into down right panic.

Panic!!! 2

See I have to go get my medications today, which by the way I have no clue how I was able to talk the Psychiatrist I was seeing at the hospital I just got out of into refilling them but hey whatever works in life at this point in time.  He probably refilled them because I can’t just stop taking the damn things now that I’ve been on them for this long and doesn’t want a medical law suit, like I could afford a lawyer at this time in life.  Anyway, back to going to get my medications.  That means I have to get a ride and travel 45 minutes one way in a car and then back.  I have panic attacks in cars, every single time.  It sucks bat brains.  I’ve been anxious all morning and have pretty much worked myself into a frenzy about having to go do this.  Sigh.  I’m sick of worrying.  I’m sick of anxiety.  I’m sick of disorders to which there are no cures.  I’m sick of being sick.  I’m sick of having something wrong with me and I just know so is everyone else around me. Most likely they’re not but that’s the irrational thought process of my anxiety disorder.

It’s stupid and tiring.

Helping a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder

One thing that frustrates family members about my Bipolar Disorder is when they ask me “How can I help you?”  And my response is generally, “I dunno.”  I found a good article on HelpGuide.org about some things our loved ones can do.  HelpGuide covers many topics about Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety.  Great site for Mental Illness sufferers.  Here’s an excerpt:

Here are some ways you can help a person with bipolar disorder:

  • Learn about bipolar disorder. Educate yourself about bipolar disorder. Learn everything you can about the symptoms and treatment options. The more you know about bipolar disorder, the better equipped you’ll be to help your loved one and keep things in perspective.

  • Encourage the person to get help. The sooner bipolar disorder is treated, the better the prognosis, so urge your friend or family member to seek professional help right away. Don’t wait to see if the person will get better without treatment.

  • Be understanding. Let your friend or family member know that you’re there if he or she needs a sympathetic ear, encouragement, or assistance with treatment. Remind the person that you care and that you’ll do whatever you can to help.

  • Be patient. Getting better takes time, even when a person is committed to treatment. Don’t expect a quick recovery or a permanent cure. Be patient with the pace of recovery and prepare for setbacks and challenges. Managing bipolar disorder is a lifelong process.

Source: HelpGuide.org Helping a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder

 

Sunday Sayings

 

I’m not at all proud of my life hence why I’m on Plan K.  I just feel as though I’ve never accomplished anything.  It does feel good though knowing that at any moment you can start over.  How about you all?  Are you proud of the life you have led so far?

It’s Friday & It’s All About the Moolah

Monster = Bipolar Disorder
Money = I have no more, now. 

Went to see the shrink today and I now have no more money.  Why because not only did she charge me for my usual appointment fee but she also decided she had to charge me for the 9 minute conversation we had on the phone last week.  Yeah, that was conversation where she decided Risperdone was what I needed that almost landed me in a psych ward.  Total cost today, not including a new prescription to yet another med that will probably cause me hell, was close to 500 hundred dollars.  Ummmm….I’m in awe about this and a little pissy.  Seriously.

Anyway, she started me on Tegretol.  Which I’ve taken before.  I had walked up in there with my old bottles of everything that I was on before I stopped taking it because I couldn’t afford medication.  Now I understand why I can’t afford medication because I have to pay the damn doctor to get the medication!  Why she won’t prescribe all 4 of the medications that worked in the past for me is totally beyond me.  “Well you seem to have a sensitive system and I don’t want to overload it.”  But I was on all of these before????

I literally paid someone 500 hundred dollars for a prescription that cost me 4 bucks.  I feel like I’m getting scammed here.

I mean seriously scammed.

It’s depressing.

It makes me anxiety ridden.

It gives me a headache.  Oh wait that might be from the Tegretol or Trazodone.  Nope I’m pretty sure it’s from my now almost empty bank account.

And doctors wonder why people with mental conditions self medicate. Sigh.