It’s Friday & Coffee, Cops, Clothes and Yes in That Order

You all will appreciate this one so I thought I’d save it for the friday share and in this share I can guarantee there is going to be more information than you care to know and if you are that type of person, I’d move on now.  The other morning I got up as I do every other morning, except since I haven’t been sleeping for various stupid reasons; I got up extra early.  I go down stairs and decide on brewing coffee, checking email, showering and then drinking coffee.  By time I’m done showering on this particular morning it’s 95 by 8:30am so hey my house, I’m gonna skidaddle down stairs grab my coffee and THEN get dress.  Yes  when it’s 95 damn degrees and it’s not noon yet, I’m gonna be walking around naked in my house.  Well I didn’t have the sliding glass door curtains closed so (great mental image coming up by the way) I pour my coffee, sugar and cream in, turning toward the sliding glass window with the cup right to my lips I look into the eyes of a cop.  Yup I said it, a cop, in my back yard and I am dress only in a coffee cup.  SO!  I walk calmly around the corner out of his view and run batshit crazy up the stair, coffee still in hand (HA!) and get dressed.

When I get back downstairs, he’s still out there so I have to deal with this guy.  Sigh.  I pour me another cup of joe and head out for what probably is going to be one of the most embarrassing encounters of my life, well maybe I’ve had quite a few embarrassing encounters.

Good Morning, how can I help you?

And I am doing my best not to look at him because he’s seen me naked.

A neighbor called.  Said she can smell marijuana on your property.

Okay so my property is well less than a quarter acre and have neighbors all around me and well I guess here there’s never any wind so it has to be MY property and he’s seen me naked.

Bullshit.

Yup, he’s seen me naked.

Excuse me?

You heard me correctly, naked.

I think this is bullshit.  I’m being honest with you sir.  This is bullshit.  That neighbor hates me.  She gets drunk from 2:30 – 5:30 pm everyday and then takes it out on my afterwards.  She can’t stand me, I’m just not her cup of well tea and she’s not mine.

He’s seen me naked.

Do you do any drugs?

NAKED!

No.

At this point, I’m shutting the fuck up!  And he’s seen me naked!

Well by the looks of your property I don’t see anything unusual going on and I believe you.

Great he believes me! Could that be because he’s seen me NAKED?!  Thankfully he leaves soon there after and I just go sit on my couch thinking, I can’t wait for Halloween.  I’m gonna get her and her little dog too.  Bizarre damn morning, I tell you.  So when I say I live in the 10th circle of hell, I really mean it.