I am so Fucking Scared…

My mother might be going into the hospital because they think her feeling bad is psychosomatic.  This is literally what I have to look forward to in life.  My mom was diagnosed as manic-depressive when I was twelve; we all know that means Bipolar Disorder now.  My mother is fucking crazy, y’all.  She once made me try to cut my father with a knife.  She hates me and well frankly everyone.

Please I pray…to not be like her.  Please tell me that I am okay in my brain, that my mind will always be better than that.

Please I pray that you all do not hate me.


WRAP ~ Wellness Recovery Action Plan

Sorry I haven’t  responded to comments.  I’ve been doing research about Anxiety, Panic, and Bipolar Disorder.  I’ve come across a great article about something we all can do whether we are challenged with a mental condition (see Tom I’ve been listening to your comments) or not.  It’s about knowing ourselves and what we can do (with help) to deal with the stress in our lives; again whether or not we have a mental condition.

Here’s an excerpt from the article and a link (and it’s from a reputable source):

The Wellness Recovery Action Plan – WRAP

Mary Ellen Copeland PhD is the designer of the Wellness Recovery Action Plan, which aims to provide people with a serious mental illness some control over their wellness and recovery. Many centers now teach this plan to people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses.

The WRAP requires planning ahead both for what wellness looks like and for what illness looks like. This can be done on your own but can also be done with the support of friends and family. There are five sections to a WRAP plan: Daily Maintenance, Triggers, Early Warning Signs, Getting Worse and Crisis Planning.

How Can a Wellness Recovery Action Plan Work ~ Healthline.com

Go, read, enjoy, try to take action.  Above all know that someone, somewhere is dealing with the same issues you are; hell maybe even right next door.  I can guarantee you that most likely I’m dealing with the same issues you are, so if you need me; let me know.  It helps me to help you.

I am Helpless!


I throw my hands up in the air.  I am helpless.  My name is Countess Bats and I am an alcoholic.and I have a mental disorder called Bipolar.  I gave up my program many months ago,  I gave up two different programs many months ago, hell…maybe even three!

Look…if you are here seeking sobriety, wisdom, or sanity…leave now because I don’t have any of those.  I lost them when I relapsed.  That’s the normal for me;  I am the Countess of Relapse.

I am completely Helpless and I can guarantee that I will lose everything because of alcohol and Bipolar Disorder.  I can guarantee that unless I seek help, unless I want help…I will lose everything.

Look…if you have Googled alcoholism and/or bipolar disorder then maybe you need to think about yourself ; or the loved one you opened Google for.

Where do I send you to? AA or WFS.  Please go.


Alcoholism & BiPolar Disorder; This is What It is to Me

First off I found out earlier that I became the Guru of Dracula’s Guest…okay somehow along the way that became cool as shit to me.  And for some reason I am not able to embed my tweet sooo…

That was awkward because I hate saying I’m not able to do something with this computer since I have been able to do it before. Okay for some reason that pisses me off…sooo…

Bipolar Disorder  is that stupid; just THAT stupid.  It takes you from 0-60 in a blink of an eye.  Yeah pretty much I get to ride my emotions like I’m riding a pod racer from Star Wars.

Yeah well alcoholism is even more idiotic.  It’s insane, neurotic, and just plain black.


An alcoholic can actually look you in the eye and say they haven’t been drinking; they seriously think you believe them as you walk away.  They seriously think that each and every time they say that to you, that you believe it.

An alcoholic can think about nothing else in life but alcohol and justify that in their mind.

An alcoholic can hate everything around them and everything about them to the point of isolation.

An alcoholic can make themselves live in a way that others think that alcoholic believes they are better than the world.

An alcoholic makes them self  feel as though a tornado has blown through their life everyday.

An alcoholic has an ability to steal civilization from their selves day in and day out.

Alcoholism is no joke.  Not at all.  Seriously I confess…I want to beg every person out there right now that can’t, literally, can’t live without alcohol…to please seek help.  Look up your AA chapter in your area or if you are a woman; please contact WFS, they can help point you in the right direction.