Keep It Simple Saturday

Hello.  My name is Bats and I’m a bipolarized alcoholic.  And no bipolarized is not a real word, I own it and have rights to it. HA! No really but it’s hard to start a post out like that.

I hate being Bipolar and I hate being an alcoholic.

I hate loving alcohol more than anything else in the world.

I hate the fact that every couple weeks I feel manic, uncomfortable, crazy.

I hate the fact that after feeling manic, I hate myself so much that I think the world would be better without me.

I hate the fact that I self medicate with alcohol.

I love the fact that I can admit all of this.

I love the fact that I have this website where I can admit this at.

I love the fact that (to a point) I am safe here.

I am GRATEFUL for little things; like a cup of decaffeinated coffee or a sigh from my dog.

I am GRATEFUL for the moon because it makes me feel comfortable.

I am GRATEFUL because this post can be called Keep It Simple Saturday and there was nothing simple about it.  I guess that actually means I am GRATEFUL for tolerance.

 

It’s My Birthday!

Today is my birthday so I want to do a little something here.  I’m very appreciative of life even when I don’t seem to be.  I’m very grateful for many things but today I’m very grateful for all of you; those that read or read and comment.  I’m grateful that I have a place to come that shows no stigma, no judgement; a place that accepts me for who  I am and doesn’t hate me on my bad days, doesn’t like me just because of money or hate me because I have none.  I’m grateful that there is a place I can come where there isn’t an upper or lower class, no celebrity class; I’m grateful we are all equal here and can support each other because we want to not because we feel we have to.  I’m grateful today to be able to be Bats.

Along with that, I won’t be shy and I’ll let you know I LOVE presents. 😉  If anyone whom comes and reads could leave me a comment of just one thing you are grateful for today, that would be the best present of all!

A Little Diddy on How and Why I Became Bats

 I’m sure all who read my blog are aware that Bats isn’t my real name 😉 but I don’t think I have ever posted why or how I chose Bats, quite honestly it’s just a screen name but online that’s who I am. There is a small story associated with why I had to come up with a pen name for my online participation.

About 9 years ago I started to seek out and gain sobriety, which by the way I’ve achieved that goal for a total of about 6 years of those 9. I needed help to get started and back then I knew absolutely nothing about how to find anything online so I went to the only place I knew and that was an AOL alcoholism message board. I first started reading and then quickly realized I had a ton to add to all the discussions so started to respond with my real first name. Shortly there after a woman whom just didn’t quash with me well started to attack me personally, you’d be surprised at how sensitive an alcoholic woman can be when all she is trying to do is reach out for help to save her life and of course what do I do? Respond, which I discovered was the stupidest reaction I could have had.

Little did I know that she was a nut case and somehow found out what my address was. Imagine my shock when a social worker showed up at my apartment with the county police. Finding out it was her who reported me for child abuse was quite unsettling. So I learned my leason and decided I needed a pen name, go figure right? And it was quite simple I looked around my apartment for an idea, my daughters stuffed animal bats seemed like it could solve my problems; I don’t know why but it just felt right. I started posting under the name of Bats0711 (7 11, well I like to gamble, ok?) And now many years later I am still known as Bats online, and I haven’t had any problems with loony birds like that one woman.

I mean lets face it, a woman alcoholic isn’t the best mother and boy do I get hate mail! The only difference is that I KNOW I’m not a bad mother and I’ve done the research on alcoholism, not only research of the facts of alcoholism but also the personal experiences and feelings of it. So…

My name is Bats and I am an alcoholic.

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