I Got What I Needed Out of That Meeting, I Hope She Did Too

In AL K Hall‘s i’ve never been to a bad meeting, but… he talks about how he went to a 12 Step Fellowship meeting he’d never been to before to find what he needed that day, in that moment, and through it he was thinking that meeting was a mistake but in the end he discovered it really was just what he needed.

But mostly i would not have been better off at home because my presence helped others. ~AL K HALL

This reminds me of a woman and a meeting I went to while in the hospital.  The woman was a heroin addict and was quickly named ‘Princess’ because everyone felt she thought she deserved so much more than everyone else.  Of course it didn’t help that she thought since she was a heroin addict that her addiction was far more worst than everyone else  including mine to alcohol.  She made it known on more than one occasion that her addiction trumped mine in so many ways.  I was fine with that.  She’s sick just like the rest of us but one day I’d just had enough and said “You know what?  I’m going to prove to you an addiction, is an addiction, is an addiction.  Get a doctor’s order and come to the AA meeting with me tonight.”  I walked away hoping that she would do as I suggested.  You needed a doctor’s order for everything when you are at a psych hospital, EVERYTHING!

She did get her doctor’s order and came with me, at first I thought it was a nightmare.  She wouldn’t be quiet and it was hard for the speakers to even get a word in edgewise, they were just trying to start the meeting…damn it.  You could tell everyone was frustrated but the speakers stayed polite, soft, and understanding and wouldn’t you know it?  We got through the meeting.  By the end of the meeting, I realized she needed the meeting and I needed her to be the way she was at the meeting.  In the course of that meeting, she taught me just a tad bit of patience, compassion, and understanding about others addictions and behaviors because of those addictions.

I got what I needed out of that meeting, I hope she did too.

Alcoholism & BiPolar Disorder; This is What It is to Me

First off I found out earlier that I became the Guru of Dracula’s Guest…okay somehow along the way that became cool as shit to me.  And for some reason I am not able to embed my tweet sooo…

That was awkward because I hate saying I’m not able to do something with this computer since I have been able to do it before. Okay for some reason that pisses me off…sooo…

Bipolar Disorder  is that stupid; just THAT stupid.  It takes you from 0-60 in a blink of an eye.  Yeah pretty much I get to ride my emotions like I’m riding a pod racer from Star Wars.

Yeah well alcoholism is even more idiotic.  It’s insane, neurotic, and just plain black.

Examples:

An alcoholic can actually look you in the eye and say they haven’t been drinking; they seriously think you believe them as you walk away.  They seriously think that each and every time they say that to you, that you believe it.

An alcoholic can think about nothing else in life but alcohol and justify that in their mind.

An alcoholic can hate everything around them and everything about them to the point of isolation.

An alcoholic can make themselves live in a way that others think that alcoholic believes they are better than the world.

An alcoholic makes them self  feel as though a tornado has blown through their life everyday.

An alcoholic has an ability to steal civilization from their selves day in and day out.

Alcoholism is no joke.  Not at all.  Seriously I confess…I want to beg every person out there right now that can’t, literally, can’t live without alcohol…to please seek help.  Look up your AA chapter in your area or if you are a woman; please contact WFS, they can help point you in the right direction.

It’s Friday & Who Has Two Years Sober?

Bats does, that’s who! Me, myself, I, Bats, has two years sober!  Yup I said it, two of them. Two years.  Two…fucking…years. 

Now that I’ve gloated and tooted my own horn, I’m gonna make this into an award show because it wouldn’t be The She Chronicles without Bats thanking some people. 

First, my Dad.  What can I say about him?  You all don’t know him but let me tell you he is the most caring, gentle, intelligent man I know. I love it when his conversation turns to

You know Bats when I was first gaining sobriety…

because I know there is valuable information coming.  My father has saved my life on numerous occasions and I always know that if I do call him up drunk off my ass, he’ll sober me right up but do it in a respectful manner.  In all honesty, he has every reason in the world to hate me but he doesn’t.  I know his love is always there for me sober or not and always will be.

My dearest friend Mak of I Want Ice Water.  You’ve been coming to this blog since the beginning.  You’ve helped me through some very hard times and hard memories.  I always know each day that there is someone out there that has felt, been through, or is feeling just like I do; you’ve helped teach me that I am absolutely without a doubt never alone in this universe.  Thank you Mak, for being here for me always and unconditionally.

Al K Hall.  What is there to say about you man?  You’re awesome, you’re hilarious, strong, caring, and a damn good bartender.  See Diary – a of a Chronicle Drinker to understand why I say that about him.  You’ve taught me how to have a good laugh when I really need it.  Can you also thank Miss D for me because without her, I have a feeling you wouldn’t be here today?

You know who I have great respect for?  A strong, competent, caring and compassionate woman.  TimeThief, you’ve taught me to care about who I am and to not be afraid to want something good for myself.  You’ve supported me through sobriety, life and even technical difficulties with The She Chronicles and you’ve done it with respect and caring words.  Thank you for loving me.

I could sit here for days, thank people and not even cover a quarter of those that have helped get me to this goal.  2 Years, you’ll have to pardon me because I really am totally in awe of making it here.  Recently I went to a meeting.  Now if you’ve read any portion of my blog you know I don’t endorse AA but I do think it is the best place on Earth to stay sober for an hour to an hour and half.  I did the meeting as I always have done.  When I went to walk out, a man came up to me and said,

 That’s not going to work.  You have to work this to recover.

  Bats being the curious and inquisitive type responds, 

What’s you talking about Willis? 

No his name was not Willis but I so wanted to say that at some point in time in my life and thought that was a great time for it.  He didn’t mind either, btw. 

You’re never going to recover or gain confidence if you just come in, sit down, and do NOTHING.

 I thanked him for his intelligence and walked out.  I am here to say that I have always thought and always will think that to gain and keep sobriety you have to stay vigilant.  That you keep your sobriety by living life 24 hours at a time; sometimes even living life in 10 second increments.  However, you recover by motion.  You recover by doing something, by actions.  Motion creates emotion and that my friends is the key to my recovery.

10 Things To Do Before You Decide To Pick Up A Drink

Sometimes when a urge to drink comes on, it can be powerful and demand all of your attention.  It can threaten the peace that you hold close to your heart and mind but that’s okay because there are some things you can do to overcome the urge and not give into it, you can through it sober.  Lists can help because as the urge comes on, you don’t have to pace to figure out what to do; just check the list and follow the directions.  Here are 10 things I do BEFORE I pick up a drink and give into the urge.

10.  Walk.  Seriously exercise gets your adrenaline going and with that comes excitement to not feel depressed, which is what alcohol brings into our minds.  You’ll feel great to be doing good for your body.  If you don’t enjoy walking as much as I, then ride a bike,rollerblade, skateboard, run, jog, jumping jacks, ect…just get moving to get your mind set on excitement and adrenaline.

9.  Take a shower.  Not only will you feel rejuvenated by the steam, you also are taking precious minutes off the lifetime of the urge which means you are yet closer to making it to the other end of it sober.

8.  Brush your teeth and I’m not talking a quick brushing but a good 5 minute cleansing.  I know you’re beginning to think I have done gone batshit crazy but seriously hear me out here.  After I brush my teeth, I don’t want to place anything into my mouth and that helps get me through the urge and that’s the whole point of it.  *This also helps with the urge to smoke, just in case there are any trying to quit smokers reading this.*

7.  Pet your pet, brush your pet.  This one’s enormous for me, the unconditional love and attention our pets give us, can bring a tear to my eye.  I have a dog, a very old dog but I have to tell you she’s been there for me more times than I can count on both my hands and feet.  When I pet her and I am in an emotional state, she knows it and somehow she makes me feel wanted, loved, and cared for.  Now if you don’t have a pet, then this one won’t do you any good however why can’t you do the same for your self?  Brush your own hair, clip your fingernails, shave, ect…care for yourself.

6.  Play a computer game.  I don’t normally condone computer games because I feel they are a true waste of time but for this topic, somtimes a waste of time is a huge help.  If you are going to play one, try one that helps keep your mind moving along, scrabble is always a good choice.

5.  Speaking of computers, try this one; research the trip of your lifetime.  Find out where you want to go, how much it costs to get there, don’t forget to research restraunants, coffee shops, hotels, and visual excitement.  This could take hours, even days but trust me when I say it can be fun and lets you know what you need to accomplish financially to get to your dream vacation.  Even if you will never go, it helps you keep your eye on how much money you will waste on alcohol.

4.  What’s your hobby?  Besides drinking.  Do you like to make bracelets?  Have you ever tried screen printing?  Painting?  Drawing?  Pottery?  How about signing up for a free class at a local hobby store?  Now would be a great time to try something new and fullfilling.  Writing possibly???

These last three are ones that I turn to almost everyday whether I have any urges or not.  They help fill me with pleasure and being sober should be about feeling pleasure and at peace with ones self, feel good in your own skin.

3.  Look in the mirror and repeat after me atleast 5 times, even if you don’t believe it, trust me sooner or later you will believe it:

I have a life threatening disease, that once had me. I am what I think; a confident, caring, compassionate, competent human being.

Think the drink all the way through. How are you going to feel physically and emotionally after the alcohol is completely gone? Do you really want to go back to blackouts, ER rooms, withdrawals?

2. Pull out your recovery material. If you have none, get some or contact me and I can point you in the right direction. By recovery material, it can be books, material you’ve printed out on your pc, journals you’ve written, blogs and websites you read, music that you feel is a positive reinforcement to your sobriety. Again if you don’t have anything, then now would be a great time to start putting it together.

1. Reach out and contact someone. I know this one seems absolutely impossible but trust me once again when I say, it works. Call someone, email someone, blog yourself through it, contact AA, Women For Sobriety, or any other organization that can help talk you through why giving into this urge will be one of the worst mistakes of your life. There is tremendous amount of help out there but it will only work if you reach out to it, it won’t come to you.