I’ll Be Honest ~ Keep It Simple Saturday

I’m having issues with sobriety, not that any of you would have any reason to think other than that.

I’ll also be honest and say, I’m a good person.  I hate alcoholism.  I hate addiction. I hate watching everyone go through it, including loved ones that have to deal with people like myself.

Honestly, people like myself die from their addictions.  It’s a fact.  I have to deal with that on a daily basis but yet I don’t do anything about it.  I will die of active alcoholism.

You know what I want?  I don’t want to cure MY alcoholism or mental illness, I want to touch someone else enough to help them stay sober or alive.  To be honest, that’s all I want in life.

Just to help one person to stay alive…

Plinky, You Move Me

Plinky asked me:

“Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? If so, what is it, and why does it move you?”

I do. It’s:

“Liquor ceased to be a luxury, it became a necessity.”

It’s from the AA Big Book edition 5. However I don’t remember which page.

It moves me because it’s true in my life.

Powered by Plinky

I Got What I Needed Out of That Meeting, I Hope She Did Too

In AL K Hall‘s i’ve never been to a bad meeting, but… he talks about how he went to a 12 Step Fellowship meeting he’d never been to before to find what he needed that day, in that moment, and through it he was thinking that meeting was a mistake but in the end he discovered it really was just what he needed.

But mostly i would not have been better off at home because my presence helped others. ~AL K HALL

This reminds me of a woman and a meeting I went to while in the hospital.  The woman was a heroin addict and was quickly named ‘Princess’ because everyone felt she thought she deserved so much more than everyone else.  Of course it didn’t help that she thought since she was a heroin addict that her addiction was far more worst than everyone else  including mine to alcohol.  She made it known on more than one occasion that her addiction trumped mine in so many ways.  I was fine with that.  She’s sick just like the rest of us but one day I’d just had enough and said “You know what?  I’m going to prove to you an addiction, is an addiction, is an addiction.  Get a doctor’s order and come to the AA meeting with me tonight.”  I walked away hoping that she would do as I suggested.  You needed a doctor’s order for everything when you are at a psych hospital, EVERYTHING!

She did get her doctor’s order and came with me, at first I thought it was a nightmare.  She wouldn’t be quiet and it was hard for the speakers to even get a word in edgewise, they were just trying to start the meeting…damn it.  You could tell everyone was frustrated but the speakers stayed polite, soft, and understanding and wouldn’t you know it?  We got through the meeting.  By the end of the meeting, I realized she needed the meeting and I needed her to be the way she was at the meeting.  In the course of that meeting, she taught me just a tad bit of patience, compassion, and understanding about others addictions and behaviors because of those addictions.

I got what I needed out of that meeting, I hope she did too.

I am Helpless!

 

I throw my hands up in the air.  I am helpless.  My name is Countess Bats and I am an alcoholic.and I have a mental disorder called Bipolar.  I gave up my program many months ago,  I gave up two different programs many months ago, hell…maybe even three!

Look…if you are here seeking sobriety, wisdom, or sanity…leave now because I don’t have any of those.  I lost them when I relapsed.  That’s the normal for me;  I am the Countess of Relapse.

I am completely Helpless and I can guarantee that I will lose everything because of alcohol and Bipolar Disorder.  I can guarantee that unless I seek help, unless I want help…I will lose everything.

Look…if you have Googled alcoholism and/or bipolar disorder then maybe you need to think about yourself ; or the loved one you opened Google for.

Where do I send you to? AA or WFS.  Please go.