Sunday Sayings

 

I’m not at all proud of my life hence why I’m on Plan K.  I just feel as though I’ve never accomplished anything.  It does feel good though knowing that at any moment you can start over.  How about you all?  Are you proud of the life you have led so far?

Monday…Mondaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy

 

 So here’s a Monday for ya….I’m what people like to call some bodies personal assistant.  I work remotely, from home.  It’s a perfect job for somebody who wants to be a SAHM or is just bat shit crazy like me.  I pretty much enjoy my job except on days like today.

So I open my boss’s email like I do everyday, even on Saturdays and Sundays, even on holidays like Christmas Eve or New Year’s Day.  That’s just me, I want to know what I need to be doing before it needs to be done, or before someone mentions I need to be doing it.  Anyway, I open her email and scan the inbox, lo and behold she’s hiring someone else for a fraction of a cost and IT’S MY JOB.  Do you think having this conversation should have happened with another email address so the person who you are about to wreck their life doesn’t have to find out until you tell them???  Possibly would that have been the polite thing to do???  The right thing to do???  I don’t get paid that much but it was paying my Shrink bill.

So, I’m sitting here waiting on a phone call and blogging.  HA!  That’ll stick it to her, at least in my mind.

What…a…bitchy…thing…to do on a Monday.

So this is why people hate Mondays, right?

Fucking KaBOOM!

You know I’m really confused in life right now, I just don’t know what I am DOING, what I want to DO, or if I can DO anything at all.  You’d think instead of sitting and whining on my blog I would put the energy no matter how negative into something else besides whining for the whole internet to hear me.  Well heck I’m not even sure if I am being heard anymore or if I want to be heard, am I even trying to be heard?  I know when I listen to people whine over and over again I think, “Okay so DO something about it!”  But I’ve gotten into the motions and habit of just whining and not changing a single thing to fix the issue, I think I’ve just given up, just stopped trying and I’ve turned this blog into a fucking whining, bulshit pity pot.  That has never been my intentions when I started this, never even thought that I would turn into such a woman; turned into my mother and believe me that is no pretty picture. 

So what do I do?   I do what I have always done, isolate and hate myself more and more every minute AND pace.

It’s Friday & Well…

quite honestly I want a fucking drink and quite honestly I am so sick of having to not escape, always have to take care of the children, clean the house, and deal with all the miscellaneous crap that I do.  Pretty much I’m sick of dealing with life on life’s terms, I’m sick of being the one with a mental illness, ashamed of a mental illness and trying to hide the mental illness.  But alas, I’ll continue on for tonight because I know no other way.  I need a job, I need money, I need my sanity right now and most important I need the love of my children.  So I’ll continue fucking trooping on, for one more Friday.

Vital Recovery Services Pt.3

“Ms. Bats, I can hear you are frustrated so let me offer you this…I will cut your payment plan down to $100 a month, it’s the same payment plan we offer those on social security.”  Okay apparently that was suppose to be a good deal and after telling Ms. Cleveland that I only have $133 to my name and have not gone grocery shopping yet, she decided to add, “I need to you to pay six months at a time…”  I didn’t even let her finish, “I’m sorry Ms. Cleveland did you just ask me to give you $600?  I have told you numerous times now about how much money I have…”  At this point I have been on the phone with her for at least 45 minutes and I am frustrated, I feel like she’s talking me in circles and I am sick of repeating myself so my voice is raising along with my blood pressure and I’m about to lose it.  “Yes, it’s our company policy and VW wants to make sure they are going to be paid, we call it a good faith payment.”  I know what a good faith payment is and I have never been asked to pay one for such a high amount, so I do what any broke SAHM would do when they feel like they aren’t being heard and are sick of repeating themselves…I lose it and I lose it in a big way!  “Look,  I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ONE LAST TIME…I DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY!  I HAVE $133, HAVEN’T GROCERY SHOPPED YET NOR PAID MY MORTGAGE…I HAVE A LEAKING WATER PIPE OUT FRONT THAT IS GOING TO COST AT LEAST $1000 TO FIX, I OWE THE STATE BACK TAXES NOR HAVE I PAID MY TAXES FOR THIS YEAR, I NEED TO PAY THE WATER BILL, ELECTRIC, AND PHONE BILLS BEFORE THEY GET SHUT OFF.  I DO NOT HAVE ANY MONEY FOR YOU AT THIS TIME.”  I’m screaming, crying and just plain pissed off this lady thinks that she’s going to take my last bit of money for me, I mean shit it’s the end of the year, I have two kids that still believe in the magic of Santa Claus, I’m about to lose my house and she wants me to give her $600 towards a car that we don’t even have nor own any longer.  I’m pissed and my claws have come out.  “Mam, you need to calm down, I understand…”  She obviously doesn’t which makes me lose my mind even more so I start cussing at her too!  :/  “You obviously do not understand that I have no fucking money!  because you keep telling me that I need to pay you some huge amount that I keep telling you I do not fucking have.”  At this point I think I am flustering her with the F word so she tries a different approach.  “Ms. Bats how about you try and calm yourself and tell me what you are comfortable with paying today.”  I sigh and tell her that I can pay her $10  today, that is all the money that I am going to take out of my funds, with 2 kids I spend about $120 a week in groceries, my husband spends that same amount in gas every week so we are screwed anyway.  It turns out that $10 isn’t good enough and she starts hammering me for more money.  At this point I am crying, sobbing, and can not believe I am still on the phone with this woman…now I hear her telling me that I can not avoid this debt, I have to pay this debt whether it be voluntarily or not, I am going to need to come up with the money and it’s going to be now…”Let me get my manager.”  I hate those words because it means I am going to have to go through that whole conversation again, just with another person.  This time a man gets on the phone, he has a deep intoxicating voice and I hear him say, “Ms. Bats, my name is Mr. Cole and by the end of our conversation you’ll be calmer and we will have this whole thing figured out.  Okay?”  Oh shit he’s going to hammer me in a smooth style.  Which he did but I ended up making only a $10 payment, $15 because of the processing fee.  BUT after that he says he NEEDS another phone number, a second number it can be a friend or relative, a neighbor or an employers number.  UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!  I end up giving them my husbands office number but they will never get him there nor will they ever speak with me there. 

I am exhausted just from thinking about all of this again.  My mortgage company doesn’t even hammer me this hard.  Yesterday my phone started ringing at 8am and rang every 20 minutes until 9pm…Guess who it was?