I am so Fucking Scared…

My mother might be going into the hospital because they think her feeling bad is psychosomatic.  This is literally what I have to look forward to in life.  My mom was diagnosed as manic-depressive when I was twelve; we all know that means Bipolar Disorder now.  My mother is fucking crazy, y’all.  She once made me try to cut my father with a knife.  She hates me and well frankly everyone.

Please I pray…to not be like her.  Please tell me that I am okay in my brain, that my mind will always be better than that.

Please I pray that you all do not hate me.

 

18 thoughts on “I am so Fucking Scared…

  1. Although there is data to support generational movement of mental illness, there is also strong data that indicates this is NOT always the case, and honestly you may well just drive yourself crazy thinking about it so much.

    I can only begin to imagine the anxiety you are experiencing.
    One of my besties has Bi Polar and she is one of the most productive amazingly articulate women I know and she simpy does her very best to manage the condition so that it has less of an impact and primary role in her life.

    Be aware of your own feelings and behaviour, but try not monopolize your entire life with worry before you actually have something to worry about. You will make yourself sick eh!

    Prayers and blessings to you🙂

    Miss Lou
    x

  2. Don’t hate you, can’t hate you, won’t hate you.
    All of us ask the questions. You ask them with more immediate force. And you’re smart enough to reach out for help and to do what you have to to get it, even when it means dealing with a system that doesn’t know how to deal with you.

    I have nothing but faith in you, Bats.

  3. I wouldn’t be here if I hated you, Bats. Neither would anyone else. You’ve always sounded like a loving, concerned person who cares about her family and others, a rational person who knows when and where to seek help. Not at all like your mother. Biology is not destiny.

  4. Absolutely not, how could anyone hate you my sweet friend? You have always been such a valued person in WP, a very good friend to many and someone that cares passionately about many different things. No, I could never hate you Bats.

    Andro xxxx

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