Chaos

Chaos is stupid.  Chaos is what I live in.  I’ve come to the realization that I’ll always shake from anxiety, depression, and mania.  There is no treatment for what I have, no cure.

I don’t know.  I hate coming here because I never have anything positive to say, anything happy to share.

I’m sorry.  I’ve had this blog a very long time and yet still…it’s just chaos.

19 thoughts on “Chaos

  1. Hey, that’s one of the nice things about having a blog – you can come and vent whenever you need to, and your friends are here to listen and help you out when we can.
    Besides, it hasn’t all been awful. You were great in that cartoon with the cowboy.
    And that bit where you made friends with a volleyball? Brilliant!
    Oh, and the time you and a friend dressed as teh opposite sex to get a room in boarding hou-

    What?
    Are you sure?
    Oh…
    I’ve been informed that was Tom Hanks…

    Well, that’s ok. You’re more fun to hang out with than him any time.
    And not just for keep it simple saturdays..

    Great to see you, Bats, no matter how you’re feeling.

  2. Oh Bats, I want to help you so bad but I hesitate because I’m not exactly sure where your head is at right now. And it’s not as if I can actually offer up a solution. But I do know that I cope with my issues better when I can vent a little. It’s not a “fix” by any means, but, for me, letting some of the “air” out of whatever’s threatening my peace of mind, by poking it with a stick and laughing in its face, helps me recover enough perspective to give me more of a sense of control. After all, it’s feeling like things are slipping beyond my control that pulls the rug out from under me.

    I don’t know if any of that helps, or if it even made sense to you, so why don’t you just drop by and check out my The Road To Babylon post to see me poke a stick at my latest life calamity? Hopefully, if nothing else, it’ll at least give you a smile…

    • ” After all, it’s feeling like things are slipping beyond my control that pulls the rug out from under me.”

      Hmmm that’s incredibly profound Mak. That is exactly what I am going through. Why is it you always have known what I go through? Thanks, my friend.

  3. Bats! I’ve missed you. It’s good to hear from you now and then regardless of your state of mind. Not that you’re obligated to check in or anything. But it’s nice to know you’re still chuggin’ along. (((hugs)))

  4. Snap out of it! Shape up or ship out! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Cheer up! Look on the bright side! Always look on the bright side of life! Keep your chin up!
    Did that help? I didn’t think it would. But just so you know, there are enough blogs with annoyingly happy, perky, cheerful, upbeat people spewing drivel out there. Maybe we need to be reminded that life isn’t a bowl of cherries all the time for everyone. And maybe not all of us are on the interwebs to look at pictures of kittens doing cute stuff. Maybe we need to feel a little of your pain now and then. Maybe we don’t expect you to fake it when you don’t feel that good. Maybe we want to feel what is ripping your soul apart so we can try to make you feel just a little better and that makes us feel like we are doing something. Did you ever think of that? I didn’t think so.

  5. So glad to see you back here. Keep coming back, even if you have nothing positive to say, because sometimes just talking about it helps to mush the chaos back even a little.

  6. But you do come back here, Bats, and you’ve kept the blog going, which speaks volumes, I think; you can and do pull yourself out of the chaos, and give yourself a respite from it. Like the other commenters have said, this is where you can come and vent and vomit it all out, and we’ll be here to listen to and support you.

  7. Blog without obligation, Bats. When you are ready to come here you will arrive and in between we will keep our well wishes towards you alive.

    I was raised in chaos and stumbled into Buddhism. Pema Chodron’s Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change speaks to me. Perhaps it will speak to you too. Despite our clinging to the notion that nothing changes for us in our daily lives, everything is constantly changing. It’s not healthy to feeling the pain of being out of control, but if we can remain present and self-honest in the isolated moments amidst the chaos, then we can embrace the flux and know it is the source of hope for better days to come.

    May love and peace be with you.

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