It’s Friday & I’m The Most Frustrated I’ve Ever Been

Howdy.  My post is quite late, I know. I’ve been trying all week to get my supposed Psychiatrist (whom I have yet to even meet) to fill my prescriptions.  Finally today right before the pharmacy closed, I was able to get them to call them in.  It should not take almost two weeks to get this done.  And now Monday I have to start intensive outpatient treatment for substance abuse, I have no clue what this entails because no one will answer my questions.  I’m just told “If you don’t do it then you don’t see the doctor or get your meds, so it doesn’t matter what it entails.”  Hell I haven’t even met my doctor yet!!!!  Yup, this is the public mental health help that is available in my state.  Quite honestly I’m almost to the point that I may just pay out-of-pocket to see a doctor and get actual help.  I’m sick of being talked down to and feeling degraded just because I have a mental health issue and am alcoholic.  It took a lot for me not to scream into the phone “FUCK YOU!” at the woman today, it took a whole damn lot.

I’m the most frustrated I’ve ever been.


15 thoughts on “It’s Friday & I’m The Most Frustrated I’ve Ever Been

  1. Oh Bats, that’s just awful. Those people are supposed to be helping you, not judging and accusing. People who lack compassion shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the health care system. (((hugs)))

    • I said that to someone today, that I thought that she was working in the wrong field. She told me I need to work on my patience. I think I’m being pretty patient since I haven’t even seen a doctor yet and I’m not even going to until March 29th. And how in the hell are they even able to call in prescriptions for me if I haven’t even seen the doctor? That I’m really curious about! It’s ridiculous.
      Thanks for the hugs PT, they help a lot!

  2. Wow Bats, I’ve been out of treatment and off my meds for so long that I’m actually afraid to comment. But like you said, you don’t know what the outpatient treatment entails, so what’s it gonna hurt to find out? Without my meds, living in near complete isolation is about the only thing that’s keeping me from losing it altogether, but I wouldn’t recommend living this way to an enemy, let alone a friend.

    Hang in there my friend, at least long enough to find out what’s in store. I’m looking forward to your posting about it… 🙂

    • Hell Mak, I’m on meds and living in almost isolation! HAHA!
      I am with you on lets see where this leads however for a person who suffers from an anxiety and panic disorder the unknown is not a good thing. 😦
      Thanks for keeping it positive for me. 🙂

  3. So glad they at least wrote the prescriptions for you.
    And despite the frustrations (everyone loves bureaucratic asshats), go you for pushing on to do this for yourself!

    • Thank you. I did have a moment today when I threw my phone and said screw this crap, the side effects aren’t worth it but then thought I don’t want to just go back to the hospital with my kids having so much going on. I’m not doing this for me, this is for them. They deserve a Mom who can handle life.

  4. Hi! First, so sorry you are having such frustration-I’m duel diagnosis too and the struggle those of us who know and acknowledge our problems, do what we should do to help ourselves, and put in the effort only to have the mental health care system in this country slap us down. I have seen worse then what has happened to me-and it is mind blowing-and my mind cannot afford more blowing! Anyway, I think you are lucky to be going to outpatient-it is just good for structure and keeping you on the up and up and focused. As for not meeting your Psychiatrist yet-huh???-get a new one through the outpatient program or through NAMI–two weeks for me could mean mania/relapse/depressionn or death–one day is a long time to wait when you need meds. On top of that, not knowing your Psychiatrist, and them being on the edge of malpractice for not prioritizing your needs is a waste of time effort and money-I believe when you find a doctor you connect with, trust, can count on, and know has your back and best interest at heart you can soar and feel safe doing whatever comes next. Hang in there! Glad I found your blog–the double wammy of BiP and Alcoholism is a real balancing act-treating both together but seperately-whoa! A LOT!!

  5. I would be completely frustrated if I heard this: “I’m just told “If you don’t do it then you don’t see the doctor or get your meds, so it doesn’t matter what it entails.”” Blech. *sigh* I hear the frustration. But then I read this in the response to El Guapo: ” I’m not doing this for me, this is for them. They deserve a Mom who can handle life.”

    Indeed! I mean, I hope you can get to the point where you want to do it for YOU because you deserve it, too, but I also understand starting somewhere, and I totally remember the days when I decided I would not kill myself because of my kids and not wanting to put them through that. I hear you.

    I just wish it were better. I wish that the system were more helpful and less judgmental. Playing a tiny bit of devil’s advocate and seeing some of the worst of what addicted people can be (NOT YOU, not writing about you at all here — for sure). You know: the hardcores? The ones that actually don’t want to be any better and are there in the system, too? Can you imagine working with those types all day. I’d probably be jaded and an asshole, too if I had to deal with those types on a consistent basis. So don’t necessarily take their sourness personally. They have chosen a job that is likely not suited for them, or they are in completely over their heads, and they are dealing with not only people who truly want help and want to be better, and need the assistance, but with the recalcitrant ones, the ones that would make even a saint want to smack and choke them. Right?

    Still. No excuse. They NEED to be compassionate even to those who are worthy of choking. Firmly compassionate. No “idiot compassion.” But legit respect for people who are there because they truly want help? There has got to be respect for that.

    Ignorance. Lack of compassion. Man, it has just got to STOP. Thank you so much for being a compassionate person through all of this. You are more compassionate than they are. Frustrated, but it is so clear from your writing that your heart is in the right place, and you want to do the right thing for your babies. That’s amazing, and I am really just so impressed with how you are handling this. Truly.

    Stay strong, chica.

    • You know what chicky? You give me a lot to think about when I walk in there Monday morning and they are in a bad mood and make me feel less then. In the whole string of things we are all going through something and so are they. It doesn’t make it right but it makes it so. Hmmm thanks for making me ponder in a good way. 🙂

      • In the whole string of things we are all going through something and so are they. It doesn’t make it right but it makes it so.

        Exactly! You put so nicely in two sentences totally what I meant in entire paragraphs. 😀

        I guess I just see that all-in-all, you are actually the more functional person in the entire situation as you can clearly see what kind of B.S. is going on, lol. And you have bucketfulls more compassion and strength than they do, I really do see.

        Who’s to say that the people running the place are entirely mentally healthy, eh?

        I’m glad I could help. Sometimes you just need a person to put on the glasses for a second, and tell you what they see in the situation.

  6. I’m so sorry you are having this trouble. I know when I had a doctor change my meds & the change disagreed with me, I was on the phone every few minutes trying to get help! The fact she wouldn’t return my calls drove me up the wall & made me even more panicked & frustrated! I had to get someone to drive me more than 3 hours to a hospital where I could get looked at in the emergency room. I had to wait a long time, but just being in the same building as doctors made me feel better to a point, so I could cope till they finally saw me. I ended up having to stay on the changed medications even though I was not coping well. The hospital gave me a very mild tranquilizer to help me cope for a few days till the meds straightened themselves out. As you know from a recent post on my site I have a lot of non medication related coping mechanisms which did not work for me when I was that far gone. I can also get extremely pushy when I need to help myself! Without being a total asshat about it, take charge of your mental health & make these people help you!

  7. You know, Bats, dear, I came here to say, “But wow, you are roarin’ sober!” 🙂 But I read Celeste, first, and you know what? They are the ones who are anesthetized and I do get it. I used to work in a nursing home and all those poor frail folks who never chose to live to such a RIPE old age would break my heart.
    Until I got numb. Had to quit then because I did not care anymore and hated that about myself.

  8. I read your blog every time you post, and I always wonder what things are like in other peoples’ shoes.
    It’s funny that they hand us some of the most addictive drugs on the planet for our mental problems, and yet when it’s something non-prescription it’s ‘bad’ for us. I’m not saying in any way that getting off the booze is a bad thing, it’s just funny to me how modern medicine views things in such a different way sometimes.
    At least we’ll be legally stoned at the end of all of this. 😉
    I hope your outpatient program is a screaming success. It will be hard, but hopefully it will take the edge off of the other stuff that’s going on. My sister blew a fuse and going through a 12 step got rid of the bulk of problems she had.
    Best of luck.

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