Mood: Anxious. Okay almost into down right panic.
See I have to go get my medications today, which by the way I have no clue how I was able to talk the Psychiatrist I was seeing at the hospital I just got out of into refilling them but hey whatever works in life at this point in time. He probably refilled them because I can’t just stop taking the damn things now that I’ve been on them for this long and doesn’t want a medical law suit, like I could afford a lawyer at this time in life. Anyway, back to going to get my medications. That means I have to get a ride and travel 45 minutes one way in a car and then back. I have panic attacks in cars, every single time. It sucks bat brains. I’ve been anxious all morning and have pretty much worked myself into a frenzy about having to go do this. Sigh. I’m sick of worrying. I’m sick of anxiety. I’m sick of disorders to which there are no cures. I’m sick of being sick. I’m sick of having something wrong with me and I just know so is everyone else around me. Most likely they’re not but that’s the irrational thought process of my anxiety disorder.
It’s stupid and tiring.
The She Chronicles 
I totally know how you feel sometimes.I feel like that every day – I have anxiety, major depression and possible bipolar (that has yet to be confirmed thanks to terribly long waiting lists for doctors in my area) but if you keep fighting, things will get better. Take the helm and stir your life in the direction you want to. My blog also chronicals my struggles and offers some tips I’ve found helpful in the past to get through the hard days. Hope to see you over there. Keep strong. 🙂
On the other hand, you have the strength and courage to face up to something you hate doing to go get something you need.
That’s worth a lot.
I have been living with Panic Disorder & Anxiety Disorder for over 30 years now. It’s hell until you find the meds that work for you. And even when you do get on the right regimen you still have to deal with anxiety producing situations. The best thing I ever did for myself was to find a good hypnotist. When I first found her I was having in excess of 20 panic attacks a day & I was so beat up from them I could hardly function. Once she put me under I would have 20 minutes straight of no panic attacks which was a great relief to me. She also made me a tape for home to help me relax & learn to hypnotize myself. I can now put myself in a light trance (like sleep) in scary situations (like when hubby is driving on the highway) & I sleep through anxiety provoking situations. This might be helpful to you too.
Hey Bats, I decided to look at your blog. I see you do discuss your panic attacks here. I’m still not sure how old you are, how long you’ve been dealing with this, and now, why you were in the hospital, what kind of meds you take. You sound nearly agoraphobic. I would like to hear more of your story. You can email me if you want at cindy.zelman@gmail.com. Or you can tell me more on my blog or yours.
“I’m sick of disorders to which there are no cures.”
Bingo. The term ‘well managed’ makes me ashamed of our medical community. While the understanding of brain funkiness has come a log way in the past 20 years, there is still a huge lack of understanding on how to get rid of it or keep it in remission. For a lot of us (it sounds like you too) they don’t even have a good management plan.
Sometimes ‘well managed’ looks appealing just because it’s better than were many of us are at a given moment. it’s sad.
Overcoming is not easy and we all face challenges. Your courage shines through your writing.
Shine on!
Thanks for sharing with us here. It gives us all a chance to send you some strength.
Hang in there!