Tegretol Sent Me So Far Over the Edge I’m Lucky to be Blogging

I thought Tegretol would be the answer to the racing thoughts, no sleeping, no eating, the extreme mania and depression I was in but it wasn’t; it sent me so far over the edge I’m lucky to be blogging right now.

I just got home yesterday from a 13 day stay at a county psychiatric hospital, which just so happen to also be my 38th birthday.  I’ll name the hospital in a later post because I can tell you even where I was at emotionally I could tell the county of the state I am in is failing miserably with mental illness help.

*UPDATE*  I will not be naming the hospital.  I do not want anyone to feel as though they can’t go for help.  It’s important that if you feel out of control emotionally to seek help as soon as possible.  You can do this by dialing 911 or the suicide prevention line at 1-800-273-8255 and they will point you in the correct direction and help you through it.  You are not alone.

Tegretol made me want to die so much that if I didn’t go to the ER room I would be dead right now.  I put my kids on their buses that morning and gave them extra hugs and kisses with the intent that I would never see them again at least, not on Earth.  In the ER they were extremely helpful, compassionate, and understanding.  They chose to admit me to a county hospital (involuntarily) to get me off Tegretol and Trazodone, also find something to help me out with the chemical imbalance that’s going on in my noggin.  After 13 days, I’m now on Depakote, Vistaril, and Thorazine.  I have an appointment with a psychiatrist that they found for me and am hopeful that doctor can help me out more then what the psychiatrist that I was seeing could.  You know she knew I was going to the ER because of wanting to die and she hasn’t called since to find out if I’m even alive.  Talk about a smack in the face, talk about not giving a shit about another human being.

Anyway I just wanted to pop in and say Hi.

I’m so lucky to be blogging right now.

11 thoughts on “Tegretol Sent Me So Far Over the Edge I’m Lucky to be Blogging

  1. You were missed. I’m glad you made it. I wish I could help. Some of us really do give a shit about you. I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. Words fail me.

  2. Ridiculously happy you were able to find caring people to help you!
    We’re always around to rant with if the hired help consists of jackasses.

    Glad to hear you’re pushing on with a new doc, and hope this one is a compassionate (and effective) as the ER docs.

  3. Thank goodness you were able to find help when you needed it! I can’t begin to imagine what you went through, but I’m so glad you’re back — and with a new doctor.

  4. A bajillion, bajillion, bajillion hugs coming your way (virtually) and I am SO GLAD that you checked yourself in. I am so happy to read that you made that wise decision, and I am so thankful, too.

    Can I be selfish for a second? I noticed that you weren’t around on FB, and I wondered where you were. I thought that maybe you were just being quiet for a while, and I was good with that. Now that I read this I am so glad for what you did in getting help because DAMN, girl, that would have fucked (oh, can I swear in your comments?! Edit if you like — use an asterisk or whatever) me up to have just added you on the book of face and only to have you check yourself out a day or two later. WHEW.

    Yeah, I would have cried for a long time about that if you had gone and done anything.It would have pissed me off, too. Just sayin’.

    I know you are at risk. I’m super glad this time that things went the way they did. **big time relief**

    I really, really hope that this new psy will help you out FOR REAL. I really hope that you can get the care you need, because we need you here, we need your presence on the planet.

    And selfishly, I do NOT want to be that person who has to tell a tale about the blogger I really liked who offed herself. I don’t want to have to tell the story about the mom and beautiful person whom I really appreciated and who died and how fuckin’ sad that makes me.

    (end of selfish rant — and I hope that it is not something you see is negative, but just how much I really do not want to lose you to bipolar disorder. I really, really, really don’t)

    Get yourself well, girl, and know I am cheering for you, and truly hoping that you can get some real assistance with things. I’m truly rooting for you to hang strong, hang in there, and hoping that the psy will help.


    P.S. Happy Birthday. 🙂 I’m glad you made it to 38, ESPECIALLY this year!! *hug*

  5. What Celeste said (with asterisks 😉 ).
    I’ve so been out of touch, out of reach.
    But I have prayed for you, and this is answered prayer.
    I am so glad for the privilege of knowing you a while longer.
    Stick around; it’s going to get better and better.
    ❤ K

  6. Christ, this is frightening stuff — worse because it seems to be the m.o. for mental health in this country. My son went through similar horrors, and also spent a birthday in a mental health facility after threatening suicide, and only then did it occur to his doctors (in this case, the V.A.) that he needed real help and meds that actually worked.

    It isn’t just luck that pulls you through, Bats. You are strong.

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