My Dad’s Not Speaking to Me


Understandable?  No.

See here’s the deal, he wants me to call my brother in Alabama.  You know the brother who decided his addiction was too powerful to stay away from the same people and places that got him shot, almost took his life off this planet.

A quote from the investigator in charge of the case:

“He’s lucky to be alive.”

The deal was: he goes back, I’ve got nothing to say to him and I’m sticking to it.

So now the one person in my life that I look up to, love whole heartily, is my hero;  isn’t speaking with me.  My Dad could die any day, not speaking with me.

This whole situation is just stupid, just like the addiction my brother is going through.  Just stupid.


18 thoughts on “My Dad’s Not Speaking to Me

  1. As a parent, I can completely understand your dad wanting his children to be happy and get along. As one of five siblings, I can completely understand your concern for and attitude toward your brother. I’m sorry to hear you’re in such a tough spot with those you care about.

  2. Man… there is nothing even good I can think of to say.. I mean ..I hope one or the other of them pulls their head out before its too late doesn;t seem like it would be too helpful …but ..I really hope it gets better for you…

  3. I can’t say I understand your situation fully, but I would guess that your reluctance to communicate with your brother is a form of a message to him – a nonverbal communication cue meant to convey your irritation with his actions. In that regard, you have still communicated – providing an ultimatum that says, “stop what you’re doing or I will have nothing to do with you.” The question is, does your brother understand this communication?

    It appears that you feel constrained to continue this as it is an ultimatum to you – that’s how you feel about it. And breaking your silence would mean breaking the ultimatum, which is your rule. Does your father understand that your silence is an ultimatum?

    Perhaps you should make it clear to your father that you have communicated with your brother, and that your silence is that communication. Make it clear to him that you don’t agree with what your brother is doing, and that you have issued an ultimatum in the form of your silence. Ensure that your father understands this so that he can convey it to your brother. (I assume your father communicates with him). It is possible that your father and your brother may have misinterpreted your silence, and don’t understand it.

    If you do break your silence, you could opt to send him a letter that says, “Dad wants me to talk to you. Hi. I have not communicated with you because you are still engaged in self-destructive actions. Those actions threaten me as well as you. I do not wish to open the channels of communication with you until you have ceased these actions.”

    Phone calls are instantaneous communication. People make mistakes in that medium, they say things they wouldn’t have said if they’d had time to think. Letters, on the other hand, have the disadvantage of being permanent, so you have to be careful what you say, but at the same time, you can think about them before you send them.

  4. I’m sorry Bats. I don’t really know what to say…you’ve been through so much. I think you are doing the right thing with your brother, but it is a hard choice to make. I hope your dad comes around soon.

  5. As someone that has dealt with addicts before I can tell you your dad means well but is doing more harm to your brother by enabling. If you write your dad to explain to him in a diplomatic but firm way without peronsalizing it he should understand. If he doesn’t that is unfortunate but we are all adults and he is responsible for that choice. You have to sit down with yourself (sounds like you already have) and decide what is right for you. Sometimes you have to get on the life raft and chose to save yourself even if others refuse. Sometimes others will see your choice and it will help them get on too.

    When it comes to these kinda things the truly right choice always seems to be the hardest one to make.

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