Today seems like the perfect day to talk about freedom; irony of the day talking about freedom while protesting SOPA/PIPA, even more ironic having your blog blacked out in support of that protest so nobody will be able to read or respond to this but hey that’s what makes it the perfect day to talk about it.
Alcoholics love their freedom; they love to be able to make the decision to drink themselves to death or not, just as long as WE get to make that decision and not someone else. The funny thing is when I was drinking, in reality I had zero freedom; I gave up every freedom I had in order to get drunk every waking moment of every day. I couldn’t live life because I had to drink, I had to have access to alcohol. I scheduled my days and nights around alcohol, I scheduled activities around alcohol, heck I scheduled showering and eating around alcohol.
So when I went to detox and found out the only way I was going to get and stay sober was giving up every last bit of my distorted freedom, it’s fair to say, I was pissed off. I didn’t want to live in what my mind was telling me was going to be jail; what I realize now is that I was already living in an insane asylum. I gave up the right to have money, keys, thoughts. I gave up the right to make my own decisions, I had to let someone else take the wheel for a while if I wanted to live. I literally couldn’t trust my own self to shop for groceries because I knew that if I entered that store I was going to walk out with alcohol and start the whole ‘drink myself until I live in a blackout for two years’ thing again. I had to do whatever deemed necessary to stay alive and if that meant taking my own picture to every liquor store in the county and tell them that if I came in to buy alcohol to not sell to me, another words embarrass the living shit out of myself, then so be it; I HAD TO LIVE. I had to discover true freedom.
I’m here to tell you that I gave up freedom to gain true freedom and I’d do it again in a heart beat if I ever had to.