It’s Friday & ….Whamo!

Have you ever just been going about your merry business and then out of the

blue…whamo…depression hits you like 140 mile an hour winds?  All of a sudden you feel like everything has gone to shit, you have nothing, no one?  You feel like everything you touch burns up and you ruin it?  You feel like everything and everyone around you would be better off if you just weren’t there?  And then all of a sudden…whamo…you want to drink and not just A drink or a night of drinking, no, you want to drink yourself to oblivion.  Well that’s where I’m at.

I hate being alcoholic and I fucking hate bipolar disorder.

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20 thoughts on “It’s Friday & ….Whamo!

  1. Sorry to see you are down Bats. At least you are now wise enough to know that drinking yourself to oblivion would only make things 10 times worse. That alone, is a positive thing going in your favor. Keep the chin up …..

  2. Aw, go ahead and have a drink. Of Diet Coke. Or lemonade. We don’t have lemonade in Yeaman and i really miss it and plan on overindulging when i go to the States in a couple weeks. Lemonade rocks. Ice cold lemonade stirred with a wooden spoon. Sure, it won’t get rid of the depression, but then again, neither will the booze. So go drown your sorrows in a lemonade.

      • It was fabulous considering at 10pm it was still 90 degrees outside. Unbelieveable. I hear it’s hotter up your way Mak, ugh. And at just about 10 am, it’s still 90 degrees outside and we’ll register above 105 today. You sure you want to come to the states AL?

    • Lemonade does rock! Love how you added the wooden spoon heehee. Yes I stirred it with a wooden spoon and it was quite nice, I hadn’t had Lemonade in a long time.

  3. I know somewhat how you’re feeling. Someday the day’s going so well that something HAS to be wrong and your sunny disposition crashes hard. Getting blitzed is only a temporary escape (if you can cut it off), the BS will still be there waiting for you. My advice is to just stay still. These feelings will pass as quickly as they came. Find your favorite CD or MP3 and kick back until you feel your version of normalcy return. We’ll fight the good fight tomorrow.

    • Thanks George, your advice really helped me out a bit. While I’m still depressed as the American economy, I no longer want a drink. Sitting still helped tremendously!

  4. How much of it is you just like to drink beverages? I notice when i go out to dinner with my friends, the waiter has to keep refilling my glass, sometimes to the point where he gets exasperated and leaves a pitcher of water on the table. And when I go to bars and have an N/A beer, I end up having 5 of them (at $6 a beer, it’s a really stupid thing to do.) My apartment has N/A beers all over the place and I drink as many of them in a week as I used to drink real beers. It’s so weird. I think I just drink more (of whatever is in front of me) than most people. And don’t get me started with my espresso habit.

    • This is another great observation. Ever seen that chick in Weeds on Showtime? Nancy? How she always has a cup of something with the straw? Ya that’s me.

  5. Hey Bats! Looks like you survived the weekend. Good on you, chick. I hope that you found some practical ways to keep yourself centered, and being easy on yourself and on life. Sounds like you did. Bats = 1, Alcoholism = 0. Yay!

    I am not an alcoholic, by some grace of something or other, but I am a person who struggles with depression. For me, all it takes is a bite of something with wheat in it, or something with dairy in it to get me on that ride. My poisons are food, and there is a very real link for me between what I eat and what my mental state is. So my story goes like this:

    “You feel like everything and everyone around you would be better off if you just weren’t there? And then all of a sudden…whamo…you want to EAT (bread, cheese, sugar, coffee with milk, a piece of cake…) and not just a piece of bread or a night of downing a piece of pizza or four…”

    I left the last part off because it’s clear to me that alcohol is a way to medicate that all, and after a horrible experience or five (at least) of what alcohol does to me, I never turned to it to medicate, because it did not do that job for me. Maybe that’s the one of the differences between me and an alcoholic.

    But, it’s been almost 2.5 years since I stopped eating all wheat/most grains and all dairy products, and limiting, sometimes totally excluding, sugar from my diet, so I know what it is like at least to stop the biochemical train wreck by giving up substances and I know what it is to give up something your body dearly wants and desires, and cannot have. So I have that in common. It does get easier. I find that now I don’t feel the psychological and biochemical need to turn to the foods that turn to poison in my body and mind to feel better (and then worse, which leads to eating them more to feel better, which leaves me feeling worse… See? I do at least know what that ride is like!! :D) as often. I now notice it right away when I accidentally get wheat or dairy in my body, though! It sucks… Anyway, I was going to say that there are good and bad moments with it. I know you are learning plenty of ways to keep yourself sober as you deal with the good and bad moments. Especially the bad ones.

    What I especially hate as a woman getting closer to middle age (okay, who am I kidding, I am IN middle age, if I expect to live to 86 at least…), is that my own hormones and chemicals in my body influence how I feel as they do their cyclical dance inside of me. That one, I don’t have a lot of control over, except to take care of myself as best as I can, and try to roll with it. At least I know by not eating certain foods, I can pretty much guarantee I am staying as even as I can. Other than that, I just have to do what everyone else who struggles with depression and/or addiction does: take it easy, and take it one moment at a time.

    How are you feeling mentally today? Any better?

    Take care, chica!
    Miss D aka Miss PK 😉

    • I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond to you Miss D. in all honesty I’ve been thinking A LOT about what you wrote.
      1. Thank you for sharing such a deep part of your thinking. Quite honestly I had no clue but why would I, right?
      2. You do know EXACTLY where I am coming from, EXACTLY. It’s a comfort know that for some reason, you know that people can know how you are feeling instead of looking at you like your some raving lunatic.
      3. I’ve often thought about how food interacts with my body and mind but haven’t got to the point where I want to give up certain foods to check and see if my theories are correct. I guess that means I reap what I sow then.
      4. Yes this is middle age. blah.
      5. Don’t get me started on my hormones. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

  6. All I can say is that you should try to ignore the depression and live carefree and for yourself not for others. Watch some comedy and may be drink some energy drinks.

    • See here’s where I get confused on the live for yourself part…being an alcoholic, I’ve been one of the most selfish, ego-maniacal bitches you could ever meet and so I was under the impression that it was time to start thinking of not just myself but others. I guess there’s a fine line to that though, as there is for everything in life.
      Energy drinks come in tall orders around here. HA!

      • It’s funny how we’re called “selfish” when we don’t put other people first, and “selfless” when we do. The problem is that this overly simplistic way of looking at things completely ignores our need for self respect – which results only from consistently behaving in a manner that actually makes our lives better, regardless of temporary hardships and other people’s opinions.

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