It’s Friday & Coffee, Cops, Clothes and Yes in That Order

You all will appreciate this one so I thought I’d save it for the friday share and in this share I can guarantee there is going to be more information than you care to know and if you are that type of person, I’d move on now.  The other morning I got up as I do every other morning, except since I haven’t been sleeping for various stupid reasons; I got up extra early.  I go down stairs and decide on brewing coffee, checking email, showering and then drinking coffee.  By time I’m done showering on this particular morning it’s 95 by 8:30am so hey my house, I’m gonna skidaddle down stairs grab my coffee and THEN get dress.  Yes  when it’s 95 damn degrees and it’s not noon yet, I’m gonna be walking around naked in my house.  Well I didn’t have the sliding glass door curtains closed so (great mental image coming up by the way) I pour my coffee, sugar and cream in, turning toward the sliding glass window with the cup right to my lips I look into the eyes of a cop.  Yup I said it, a cop, in my back yard and I am dress only in a coffee cup.  SO!  I walk calmly around the corner out of his view and run batshit crazy up the stair, coffee still in hand (HA!) and get dressed.

When I get back downstairs, he’s still out there so I have to deal with this guy.  Sigh.  I pour me another cup of joe and head out for what probably is going to be one of the most embarrassing encounters of my life, well maybe I’ve had quite a few embarrassing encounters.

Good Morning, how can I help you?

And I am doing my best not to look at him because he’s seen me naked.

A neighbor called.  Said she can smell marijuana on your property.

Okay so my property is well less than a quarter acre and have neighbors all around me and well I guess here there’s never any wind so it has to be MY property and he’s seen me naked.

Bullshit.

Yup, he’s seen me naked.

Excuse me?

You heard me correctly, naked.

I think this is bullshit.  I’m being honest with you sir.  This is bullshit.  That neighbor hates me.  She gets drunk from 2:30 – 5:30 pm everyday and then takes it out on my afterwards.  She can’t stand me, I’m just not her cup of well tea and she’s not mine.

He’s seen me naked.

Do you do any drugs?

NAKED!

No.

At this point, I’m shutting the fuck up!  And he’s seen me naked!

Well by the looks of your property I don’t see anything unusual going on and I believe you.

Great he believes me! Could that be because he’s seen me NAKED?!  Thankfully he leaves soon there after and I just go sit on my couch thinking, I can’t wait for Halloween.  I’m gonna get her and her little dog too.  Bizarre damn morning, I tell you.  So when I say I live in the 10th circle of hell, I really mean it.

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15 thoughts on “It’s Friday & Coffee, Cops, Clothes and Yes in That Order

  1. The naked thing would have left me too embarrassed to speak. Otherwise I’d have been pretty belligerent about a cop appearing in my backyard instead of coming to the front door.

    • Ya the naked thing had me uhhh stumped and I just wanted the whole thing to be over with. I’m wondering if he knocked on the front door while I was showering? Either way if he hadn’t seen me naked, I would’ve been swearing words at him he had never heard before.

  2. Damn Bats, I think you handled that amazingly well. If I’d have turned around and looked into the eyes of some stranger in my backyard I’d have totally freaked! The fact that you managed to run upstairs (apparently without spilling a drop of your coffee), get dressed, confront the interloper, AND defend yourself against your neighbors spiteful allegation speaks to your possessing nerve that anyone would admire. You go girl! 😀

    BTW, my coffee maker stopped working the other day. Until I can get another one, I’ll be microwaving my water with the grounds in it and then pouring the mix through a filter into the pot. Weirdly enough, that’s working quite well! 🙄

    • Thanks Mak. Trust me when I say I was freaking out beyond freaking out, I thought my brain was going to explode.
      Can’t spill the coffee. The sweet, sweet coffee.
      Oh man I hate it when the coffee pot goes. I’ve had that happen twice and each time I thought I was going to lose my damn mind. and both times I did just what you are doing. Wishing for a new coffee pot for you Mak!

  3. oh freaky god, that is some morning. My mind would probably replay that episode for a couple of days. I had a room on the 2nd floor that was wide open for peeping toms. I did like my neighbour except for her neighbourhood watch binoculars that she used all the time. I once waked up naked and looked outside to see her staring at me with her binoculars and waving to me quite cheerily….

    but oh yes, the mighty coffee is way to important to spill…

  4. Oh, Bats, you told this so well! Are you sure you are not meant to be published?

    I did not know whether I should laugh or cry, or laugh until I cried. You poor dear.

    I think they have to have a search warrant, though, before they can search your property, right? I’d check into that if I were…oh, if I were you and had not been naked!!!!!

    Betcha that guy watches that window from Google Earth from now on!!!!!!!

    Bless you, Bats, bless you a hundred times.

    • Sheesh, I never thought of Google Earth. EEK!
      Oh he certainly wasn’t going to come in, not gonna happen even though I know I would’ve been all clear but if he would’ve asked to come inside it would’ve ended abruptly right then and there with me going and knocking on the old bats door.
      I tell you, I laugh until I cry on this one. It was just….bizarre.

      • We bought 30 acres of woods with a lovely “sunning deck” on the back of the house before I began thinking of Google Earth. I heard of someone who checked his childhood home, once, and found he could see his mom through a window… Sometimes Big Brother gets too creepy for me. Gotta watch what I wear all the time, now. I mean, do I dare exit the bathroom, which has no windows, without my makeup on? Does give a new meaning to “windows”, too…

  5. Hello There Bats0711

    So you have been swanning around in your
    kitchen in the niff have yo? lol Well don’t be
    doing it again even those Coppers can be
    Peeping Toms you know? Oh yes YOU do
    know that already… lol I wonder if he will be
    calling around again soon… close the drapes
    or shut the blind next time… lol

    A rather funny story
    but quite embarrassing too

    Androgoth Xx

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