Last night I sat down on my porch to do a little much deserved and desired reading.  I haven’t opened a book or touched my Kindle in a long damn time.  Next to writing, reading is another favorite past time of mine.  About 10 minutes into Unbroken:  A World War II Story of Survival, Resillence, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand , not quite long enough to really start enjoying the words and meanings; people start walking by and in this neighborhood you have to ask the question, “Hi, how are you doing?”  I don’t normally ask; normally I just wave and say hi because when I go walking, I want to go walking and not stop every 10 minutes for the same conversation.  Most people do ask though because they want to know why it is they haven’t seen you about or why it is you haven’t worked on your spring time vision feasts of your yard.  So I realize after the first 5 people, I’m not going to get much reading done and should’ve carted my Kindle, my butt, my coffee, and thoughts to my back deck.  What’s the politically correct answer to that question?  “I’m Fine.”  Around the 10th person, I felt like just finally stewing it up HOWEVER I didn’t. 

But I so wanted to answer the question with,

“You know, I’m doing pretty shitty.  I want a case of beer, a bottle of vodka, some valium to throw in there and you know I’m sick of being unemployed with no health care.  I’ve been having nightmares of planes crashing into huge buildings and people screaming their heads off as they jump off the top of those huge buildings.  I’m sick of having bipolarized alcoholic thoughts.  I’m sick of feeling like I’m in a horrible Desperate Housewives episode.  I wish everyone would pick up after their dogs because I’m sick of doing it for you.  I’m sick of watching everyone around me break the rules when I try so hard to follow them.  I’m not working on my house because I don’t have the money to do it but don’t worry before you die I’ll be sure to stick a flower somewhere in my yard for color and no I’m not the one who drives the damn Lexus, I don’t even drive so you all can stop discussing a car that doesn’t belong to me and why it is I could possibly have one when you don’t.  You know I’m wondering if you could do me a favor?  Can you take that knife out of my back?  It’s getting a little uncomfortable.” 

I would love to see their mouths drop open and hit the curb, honesty can stir this neighborhood up, I’ve seen it happen.  Hell my honesty HAS stirred this neighborhood up before and no one knew how to deal with it; however this time I stayed with the correct answer and just said, “I’m fine.”

10 thoughts on “Fine

  1. If you do decide to let that one rip Bats. please, please, PLEASE record it for us all to enjoy! I used to have these little homemade posters on the wall of my home office that said a lot of the things I wasn’t actually comfortable saying out loud. One of them went something like “Why do people always ask ‘What’s the matter with you?’ right after they spit in your face?” This, of course, referred to how blind people seemed to be to insulting nonsense spewing from their mouths…

  2. Oh, Bats, I am sorry things suck right now. May they turn around soon, and may your determination deepen your recovery.

    I’m also glad you let us in on what you were thinking and what’s going on. I’m not sure if your neighbors would really be interested or not, but we are.

    • Thank you it helps tremendously to have a safe outlet, doesn’ it?
      No they wouldn’t be interested, well actually now that I think of it they would be. They would love the gossip of “I knew she was a psychopath!”

  3. Have a friend of mine who we had to tell him that if people asks ‘How are you?’, that was mostly a polite way of nonsense question, and that people were not interested in that you actually had a bowel moment the size of Mount Everest and that you’re testicles are a little cramped right now. Loved the way people backed away when he started telling everyone about his problems… 😀 btw, my friend is a hypochondriac which does not help when he comes up with some really upsetting new diseases he has to new people he meets. ahhh bless… but I truly hate that polite question, everyone expect you to say ‘I’m fine’….

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