Assumptions & Judgements Pt.1

We all do it in one degree or another, we assume.  Remember that old saying; if you assume something, you make an ass out of you and me.  Or something like that.  Seriously though we all do it, or well I guess I mean, I do it.  The last time I bought grapes I thought, they look good, they’ll taste just fine.  I assumed they would without trying them, mainly because I haven’t figured out yet if it’s stealing if I don’t buy them but I still ate that one and I don’t think you can pay for that one lonely grape. 

We also do something that in my opinion is similar to assumption, it’s called judgement.  Here’s a common one in my life:  she tripped up the stairs, she must be drinking again.  Here’s another one:  she has Bipolar Disorder, she’s insane.  Do you see where the assumption leads to a judgement in those cases?  You can change the she to a he if you like.  I have told NO ONE except those that frequent here at The She Chronicles of my Alcoholic Bipolarized Mind, no one in my face to face life, not that there are any people who would care if I speak or breathe in their presence.  I don’t tell anyone because of the stigmas and judgements that come with saying it aloud. 

Since the Charlie Sheen debacle started I have heard the same thing over and over again from people in this neighborhood, “I heard last night he was Bipolar, I never thought he was INSANE!”  The last time I heard it I walked up and said “Who’s insane?” I already knew because I was being nosey and eaves dropping but my opinion is if you scream the damn word, I’ve got the right to butt in.  “Oh I heard Charlie Sheen was insane last night on CNN, he’s BIPOLAR!”  Here I am thinking in my mind that I could bust this person out on their damn stigmatized judgemental face right now but I didn’t, just nodded and said, “Hmmmmmm interesting, never knew he was.”

I need to make it clear right now that Charlie Sheen has never publicly announced he is Bipolar even with his #BiWinning campaign, this is only a huge assumption on my part.  I’m assuming this on what I have seen over the past few months out of him and I also need to make it clear that I have come to this assumption by what I have seen through the media so this assumption could be completely, utterly false OR it could be right on. 

I’m not perfect, I do still assume even though it annoys me at times.  I also still judge, which annoys me to a degree of anger at times especially because I judge myself harder than I do anyone else.

How about you all?  Are you judged in your life because of a mental illness?  Alcoholism?  Addictions?  Do people assume because you tripped up the stairs you must have had a few drinks?  Do you assume the grapes are good or do you eat that one lonely grape?

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10 thoughts on “Assumptions & Judgements Pt.1

  1. You know Bats, the whole “judgment” thing has always been a big source of both confusion and frustration for me. I was taught the old “judge not lest ye be judged” thing as a kid, so I’ve always felt that pointing out other people’s flaws was callous and rude. I know that I don’t like it when others point out mine. But that’s mainly because I don’t think they’re qualified to do so. I actually have no problem with helpful criticism coming from someone I respect. But then the people I respect don’t spend a lot of time making themselves feel better by tearing other people down.

    From the beginning, I’ve felt that all the brouhaha about Charlie Sheen was just an excuse for a lot of people who really couldn’t care less to be seen and heard on TV. After all, his behavior was nothing new and it was why he was chosen to play the Charlie Harper character on TV. From my own experience, I’ve learned that “turning the other cheek” to those who slight me without having earned the qualifications to to do so only feeds into my own sense of inferiority. After all, my thinking goes, I must be a pretty crappy person if I can’t even defend myself! And I’d bet that a lot of Charlies Sheen’s behavior after the stuff hit the fan has been driven by similar thinking.

    In the end, our ability to judge correctly is critical to our happiness and survival in a world filled with nice people who don’t stand up to a vocal “holier-than-thou” minority. So, as my favorite philosopher once said, “It’s judge, and prepare to be judged!” I can’t honestly say that I always follow her advice, but I absolutely believe that I should.

    Sorry for the rant. Confession over. 😳

    • No problem on the rant, great rant by the way.
      Even growing up in a Catholic home, I was still judged by my mother. Which always confused me because my father always taught me I wasn’t qualified to judge others and he never judged me especially during the teenage years where I was definately less than safe in my musings. But my mother judged me from the time I was born, it was always explained to me by my Dad that simply “you are a female and she finds you threatening to her happiness and attention.”
      Now much older, my confusion and frustration still exists on this hot topic. For those that aren’t alcoholic or have a mental illness how can they possibly know how to judge someone whom does? I’m trying not to turn this topic into a Charlie Sheen topic but well pretty much everyone I know talks about the man, and they talk about him as if he’s a no one. “He’s chosen cocaine and women over this show.” But he didn’t, he never once chose drugs over anything. Well I do believe he has chosen drugs over himself but that’s a whole other post. And when our mental illness rears it’s ugly head 100 fold, we don’t choose anything over anything other than the fact, we choose to try and survive so we can live to come out on the end of it. Make sense?

  2. Honestly, i sometimes think every person on the planet is “mentally insane” in one way or another, to one degree or another. It’s easy to point at others and call them out on their own personal brand of insanity as long as it distracts everyone from looking at ours.

  3. I learned a long time ago to keep a short leash on any temptation to judge others. I saw how my mother declared a cousin “crazy” when he was hospitalized for depression. I saw how warm and caring and capable a co-worker was, even though he was on lithium. I saw how others (“friends”) misjudged me when they learned I was taking antidepressants. I saw how badly even my own parents misjudged the status of my unhappy marriage. So I try very hard not to be judgmental and not to assume. You never know what you don’t know about others. And chances are they are just as human and just as fallible as you are.

  4. I’m glad I found your blog.

    With creds including bipolar disorder and an eating disorder, my biggest challenge is my own self-judgment. Part of me is very proud of achieving a happy life. Another part cringes when I see all those diagnoses down on “paper.”

    Back in the day, when my diagnosis was major depression, I was out to a number of people. I keep pretty quiet about the bipolar diagnosis, though. Even though I’m in good remission most of the time, I assume other people will think I’m “(ee-yew) mentally ill.”

    Compassion for my eating disorder is a work in progress. I’m about 40 pounds overweight and feel pretty ashamed about it. I think we all know about how people generally stigmatize heavy people.

    Here on WordPress, though, I’m able to write openly about recovering from my eating disorder and living with bipolarism. I love it. I never imagined feeling this free. I still worry about people judging me. But then I think — wait a minute! It’s my own damn blog and if people don’t like what I’m saying, they don’t have to read it. However, the readers so far are wonderful.

    • And I am glad you found my blog!
      You are so right on about seeing everything in black and white on paper, my only thought when I first saw it was “Holy Bats, I am like her!” If you get deeper into my blog you’ll realize I’m speaking about my mother which I still haven’t come up with a whole blog post on why that bothers me so much but I do give you little sneaks into it.
      Heavy people are stigmatized the same as mentally ill ppl, as a matter of fact I’m beginning to wonder if everything and everybody has stigma related to it.
      I’m glad you are able to feel that freedom. and I am so glad you felt comfortable enough here to comment. Please come back and share more. Thanks.

    • Understanding why I am judged and why I judge is something that is huge for me. Judging me on my alcoholism and mental disorder is something that confuses the hell out of me, it’s like judging a house before you’ve stepped into it. Most houses are completely different once you step through the threshhold and see how much it has on the inside or even how much it doesn’t have.
      I’ve realized that not placing judgement on people is going to be a life long lesson for me and honestly I’m not sure that I’ll get it when my life is over.

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