The neighborhood I live in is very new, they just started phase II of the master plan and as this neighborhood gets older by the day so do some of the people. My house backs up to a woman who from 2-5 in the afternoon decides that it’s best to pound a bottle of wine and then come to me to complain about my yard or whatever else she doesn’t like about me. In the back yard we have a back yard but then we also have government protected wetlands; although the wetlands are considered our property it’s still illegal to do anything to them without the states approval. The developer did sort of a clean up of the wetlands so all the neighbors took that as they can landscape the land and put up fencing. Who would want to put a fence in the wetlands I think has lost their bonkers because well uhh it’s wet land all of the time, their fencing is going to rot from the water and critters that are there year round. Anyway my neighbor paid for landscaping and ended up not surveying her property before hand so she ended up paying someone to landscape not only her property but also her neighbors on both sides of her property. Did that make any sense? I’ve only had a half cup of joe this morning.
Anyway her issue with landscaping wasn’t my problem until the developers company doing the cleaning up of the wetlands decided to give me a little extra attention and cut down a tree that was dead, we decided that it was safest since I have kids and my next door neighbor has kids, first huge wind storm and that thing would fall over. It went like this:
Mr. Fix It: Hey, you want me to cut this tree down?
Bats: Much appreciated, yes thank you.
Mr. Fix It: Hey no problem. How you liking the neighborhood? Have you gotten a taste of the southern hospitality yet?
Old Lady Neighbor: Comes running, yelling. Why are you cutting down my tree?
Mr. Fix It: Yup here comes southern hospitality.
We both laugh.
Old Lady Neighbor: That’s MY tree do not cut it down.
Bats: No I’m sorry that tree is on my property. Go ahead guys, cut it down. Mam can you please back up so when the tree falls, you’re not under it.
Old Lady Neighbor: No that’s my tree, do not cut it down.
Bats: Here, come here. See this stake in the ground and do you see that stake in the ground? Those mark my property, that is clearly a tree that’s on my property. Please go back on your property so you will not get hurt when this tree comes down.
At this point my patience level is already on overload from financial shit, IRS shit, kid shit, my Dad’s shit, and boy did I want a drink shit!
Old Lady Neighbor: Oh alright. What are you going to do with the tree?
Bats: Well currently I’m gonna have this crew cut it down, just as soon as you move out of the way. (You gotta love my sarcasm sometimes.)
Meanwhile Mr. Fix It is laughing his butt off at me, not to be mean but well you gotta love my sarcasm sometimes. Somehow I’ve managed to get her on her property away from the tree and where it’s going to come down at. So they cut it down and start to cut it up in manageable pieces for me so I can burn the wood in my firepit. He never gets to finish because she won’t leave us alone so you apologizes to me and said “I gotta go.” And I don’t blame him. It took us forever to cut that wood up and stack it. Currently I am waiting on the Home Owners Assc. to get back to me about another complaint against me about this wood pile from her, the wood will be gone after the warm months because I’m not sitting outside burning the wood in the winter months, it’s too cold. Shush…I know fire, cold. I am unable to step out on my back deck since right when I do she comes out complaining to me about the wood pile, “Don’t you think it’s ugly?” Hmmmm no, but your yellow hose is.
This lady is driving me insane, literally. I need more coffee. Okay, carry on…