Excuses

Okay, so we moved back in July, we moved into this neighborhood for the kids, schools and various other reasons; one of which the age of the people whom live here.  Which pretty much means that we all are going through mid-life.  I’ve met a couple women that are up my alley when it comes to intelligence and where we are in life, and it helps that our kids are pretty much the same age.  Your probably thinking, “Great!”  Well now it seems there is a catch…they don’t know (of course) that I’m an alcoholic and they sure as shit don’t know I’m bipolar.  I sware if you say you’re bipolar people squish their nose and say “Oh.”  And all I think when it happens is “Ya, that’s what I said also when I found out.”  Okay so telling these ‘friends’ that I’m bipolar is way out in left field so I made the decision not to tell them at this point, however when they say, ‘lets get a ladies night going and have a couple drinks.’  My thoughts race and my whole body cringes, I don’t think they are aware of my emotional or physical reaction to this idea.  Oh here’s a kicker, “Even if you don’t drink you have to try this drink that I learned to make in blank country.”  I just stared at them and then decided that the best thing to do was nod my head. 

I’ve never had a problem with coming up with stupid excuses for not drinking but this time seems different; I want and need to be excepted so my family and I aren’t the outcasts in the neighborhood which by the way is pretty easy to accomplish and I’m incredibly good at that.

So what do I do?  I think I’m going to come up with a high fever on the night that they schedule this but I figure I can only use that excuse once, maybe twice then I would have to move on to “I think I have food poisoning” or “my doctor put me on antibiotics and alcohol screws that up.”

I feel like screaming from the roof of my house, “Yes the crazy alcoholic woman lives here!  Approach at your own discretion!”

And damn it all, I just want a drink.  Well not one but I think you know what I mean.

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12 thoughts on “Excuses

    • Thanks Diane!
      I’m definately sure that a lot of women are closet addicts, alcoholics, and excuse makers. I just don’t want to be the lush that everybody whispers about. It’s the stigma that goes along with having a mental disorder and loving alcohol much more than my own damn self.

      • my heart goes out to you. However, i believe you are loving yourself more than you know. you are out of the closet, that takes an extreme amount of courage.

        yes, there is a stigma that goes with your condition, and i hate it. is there anything i can do to help?.

        stay Powerful…
        diane,
        mindofagoddess.com

  1. What you’re doing here is just.. thinking too much. Of course you need to be cautious, it’s good that you are. Now I’m not going to tell you that you have to be realistic, I know how real these fears feel. And really, if something feels real – it is. At least to you it is and that’s all that matters. But just try to keep your thoughts and fears under control. And when you get together with these women who all carry their own ‘bagage’ just remember you’re not there FOR THEM, just with them. You’re there for yourself, do only what you feel like. And when offered a drink, just keep a straight face and explain that there’s no way in hell you’re having one cuz you’ve learned that your body doesn’t react too well to them. Besides, your doctor told you that even a sip is too much for your weak stomach. (= Relax! You’ll be fine as long as you relax.

  2. Damnit, wish I could somehow help.
    Well ok, if you’re not ready for it – you shouldn’t go.
    Just organize another get-together that you áre comfortable doing maybe?

  3. I make sure to tell everyone I’m going to have an on-going relationship with that I don’t drink, if/when alcohol comes up. People rarely ask me why, and I find that they mostly respect it.

    • Oh if I could only explain how big of a deal this is to actually say outloud “I don’t drink” in this neighborhood. I’ll have to write a post explaining this further.
      Thank you Lydia for sharing and I only wish I could meet people whom know how to respect and actually do.

  4. HI Bats,

    I”m in a similar situation. I just passed my 14th month of sobriety yesterday. And I started a new job last Tuesday. Believe it or not, the place I work at has a refrigerator full of beer, which employees can grab from whenever they like. Of course most people would only do this after 5:00 or at least close to that. It’s so tempting to want to share one with them to “bond,” especially at the end of a hard day of work. But I know that I can’t; if I did the company would go bankrupt trying to keep the fridges stocked.

    Worse, just yesterday the guy in the desk next to me pulled out a bottle of scotch from his desk drawer and offered some to me. I just had to say no.

    Yeah, Even with more than a year under the belt, socializing with new people in your life who want to drink is very hard.

    I don’t think you should make up an excuse like antibiotics with people that you are potentially going to have a long-term relationship with. You need to make a short personal statement and not dwell on it. I siimply say: “I don’t drink” and then change the subject. And if they bring it up, firmly change the subject again. You’re well past high-school age, and this kind of peer pressure should die away very quickly. If it doesn’t, then you at least know who not to socialize with. If you want, take whomever keeps pushing it on you aside and in private simply say “Look, I like you but all this talk of drinking is making me uncomfortable.” I’ve never had to do that. People accept that I don’t drink and they should with you too and if they can’t they’re not worth knowing.

    Let me know how it goes.
    Best,
    ITSB

    • First off Congratulations Boat on sobriety and finding a new job.
      Thank heavens I don’t work at a company with a fridge full of alcohol. Who stocks that? I’m not sure if they could keep up with my love for beer.
      Somewhere it’s become normal in my life for alcohol to be the center of everythings. It’s got to be me but jeesh I haven’t had one conversation yet with anyone in this community that alcohol wasn’t mentioned at some point. I dunno, maybe it’s because I want a drink so fucking bad at this point, I just want to stop for one 24 hour period of dealing with hell. At this point in my life, I just don’t have any other solution to the emotional hell I’m going through each day. I just want it to stop.

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