I Felt My Daughter’s Heart Today

I walked to the post office today to place what is the final try at keeping our house in the mail to a PO Box address in Ohio, the hardship letter with a letter from my husbands employer begging for more time, help to keep what belongs to our family in our family.  They should receive it tomorrow by noon.  All the power is now in their hands and so now we have to wait, wait for someone to decide if we can stay here (like we deserve) or if a sheriff needs to come and deliver foreclosure papers to us.  I received the paperwork the other day stating that if the mortgage company doesn’t receive the $5800 by January 10th, then the next step of foreclosure shall begin.

While I was placing everything in the envelope and getting ready to go, my husband and I were talking about how we could possibly come up with the money and we well have no options, more importantly though we had no clue our daughter was listening and she chimed in when I said to him that we need to sit down and discuss whether we want to stay here in this town or move closer to his homebase office.  “We have to move from our house?  I don’t want to move, I want to stay in my school with my friends.”  Tears streamed down her face and it was like all her happiness and comfortness in the world escaped with those tears, you could see my child go from happy, to sad and then finally panicked all in the course of those two sentences.  My husband then got up and walked from the room and you could tell by the slump of his back and the sadness in his steps that he was indeed crying.  I went to my daughter and sat on the floor with her and with tears on the verge of escaping my own eyes and heart, I let her know that we don’t want to move and we are trying our hardest to stay here because I know how much her life here means to her because my life with her here means the same thing to me.

This is getting so incredibly hard.

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10 thoughts on “I Felt My Daughter’s Heart Today

  1. God how I remember that look that says “everything is lost.” I saw that same look in my kids’ eyes when we lost our house, along with the look that said they knew it was me and my wife’s fault.

    I know it doesn’t help much now, but at least your daughter will know that none of you is to blame for what you’re going through.

    Hang in there my friend.

    • That brings up a blog topic that I am sure I will be writing about soon; resentment. Who says I don’t resent myself after all is said and done or resent my husband or him resent me?

      • I think that some resentment is natural, even under “normal” circumstances. It it should be voiced and dealt with before it can fester and grow into something than cause unnecessary harm. The important thing to remember is that you’re all good people who love each other and never intentionally act to damage what you have.

        “Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering. I sense much fear in you.” >> Yoda 🙂

        • Yes my jedi master…fear of the unknown. 🙂
          I will continually remind myself of what you have said…this isn’t really normal circumstances and quite honestly and I can only speak for myself but I haven’t felt a bit of resentment towards my husband, sometimes myself but I generally feel resentment for the situation because nobody should have to go through this. I resent … the government for not taking care of the economy, for just ignoring what was so obvious around us, for pretending it will all go away and fix itself.

  2. I read your post, and felt awful for you. We just got through with layoffs where I work, and I feel awful for the people who lost their jobs. I also feel awful to still be here when they are gone, and I feel pretty crappy about all the other people out there suffering right now too. But, the bottom line is, I’ve got to survive, and I can’t feel awful all of the time. So I will have to shut that emotion down for a while and focus on what I have to do. But, while I am not particularly religious in the conventional sense of the word, I will still think of you the next time I’m pondering the paradox of my own existence (which is usually during my commute), and I will wish hope and happiness to come your way. May things get better for you.

    May they get better for us all.

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