Irony & Symbolism At It’s Best

These fabulous critters are eating my house.  It’s ironic really.  When I was 19 I got a job at a company called Senate Termite Control, at that time I lived and worked in VA. later on I moved to the MD office and worked there right up until about a month before I had my daughter.  These damn critters seem to be following me.  I have a huge respect for them, the way they are, how the colony works and how much damage they can cause to a person’s life and house.  I’ve seen damage that you would not believe, just from these insects that look like little pieces of white rice.  It’s also symbolic though, something so small has more control over my house then I do.  They now fester my brain because I have no clue of how I am going to pay for the chemical so my hubby can treat the house.  That’s one positive out of this, that my hubby is working there now again so he’ll just take care of this problem.  I wouldn’t trust any other person to treat this problem and get rid of it for us.  I still haven’t got the money together for the leaking water pipe and we are now officially two months behind in our mortgage which means foreclosure papers will arrive sometime around Christmas and that process will now begin. 

 It seems the only “Change” I’ll be getting out of the Obama stimulus package is a change in housing.  But ho-hum right?  I am so sick and tired of the back and forth arguments in our political system and just wish that they would figure out what they ‘think’ is best for us.  HA!  I want to go back to the time before 9/11 or actually I want to go back to 9/12/2001, because for just a small amount of time we actually cared about one another in this great nation, we cared when a neighbor was hurt, we cared enough to hold doors open for each other, hell we even cared enough to share the road in an appropriate manner. 

But that’s not what this post is suppose to be about.  It’s about the fact that I have no control over my life, what so ever.  It just seems to have taken on a life of its own and it’s now out of my hands, something else is steering the course and I can’t figure out how to stop it or gain control to slow it down enough so I can jump off.

Last night I sat right where I am right now this minute with a bottle of Crown Royal in my hands, the top was on.  I just couldn’t bring myself to take the top off and take that long swig that I so wanted.  I imagined the warmth of the whiskey while I would swallow it and the buzzing effect that my brain would feel and then my brain shutting down only concentrating on another swig and another.  But I put it back in the bar knowing that there isn’t enough alcohol in this house to satisfy the craving I have.  It would take a whole liquor store to turn my brain and feelings into rocks.  Instead I went to bed but didn’t sleep just stared at the ceiling fan that wasn’t on because we can’t afford to run it right now.

I need control over my life, I need to get it back.  I have to go pace.

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Irony & Symbolism At It’s Best

  1. Awwww Bats, my heart is aching and my tears are flowing for you. What next. I am so proud of you for putting it away last night. You are such a fine example of how it can be….trials , tribulations, termites and all. Keep your head on and your heart warm. I HAVE AN IDEA……..THIS IS FOR ALL OF YOU readers out there (people who have commented or secret readers of this blog)…I fully understand that its the holidays and times are tough but if all of us “thankful to read Bats blog people” got together and put 3 or 5 or 2 dollars (whatever) in a paypal account Maybe we could show our thanks and do a little good for her…What do you say? If we all concentrate a few bucks on one person at a time ….. maybe we could do some good in this world.**** Bats…I nominate you to be the first “paypalPAL”. No arguments. NONE! Please put a link up to your paypal account. PLEASE just do it, ASAP. If everyone who reads this would even just donate $1.00 think of the good we could do. I hope this works. I hope………..

  2. The really sad thing is that those damn bugs will probably outlast us and all of our problems as if we were never here!

    I think the PayPal idea is a good one. You’ve got lots of friends out here! 🙂

  3. you don’t like wars, you dislike the current political systems, neither does everyone else, war hurts people. No winner or loser when it comes to violence, fights, disagreements, politics.

    Stay upbeat about your situation and hope that miracles
    come to you, soon!

    • I just want to say that this post has nothing to do with the current wars going on. And I get to bitch about the current political system because I voted! & I pay taxes! LOL! 😉

  4. I just found your blog and I wanted to tell you I love the raw emotion you put into words and the stories you are telling. Don’t ever give up…

    • Thank you so much! Raw and honest is what I go for whenever I write, I just don’t see any point to my blog if it’s not like that. I so hope you stick around and read some more. 🙂
      BTW how did you find my blog? Just curious.

      • I saw it in the Showcase area. I thought since I posted there to get more readers I would see who else was looking for readers!

  5. I am sorry to hear about the termites. It sounds like my family and I are in a similar situation to you monetarily. I have been out of work since February due to my bipolar, anxiety, personality disorder issues. We had termites a few years ago, but luckily had the money to get house exterminated. Right now though we just need the money to keep the house. We were three months behind, got the default notice, they offered us a$75 reduction in our payment for 3 months but we are still 3 months behind and if we miss a payment they continue the default and foreclosure if we don’t do something about it. January 1 is the last month of our modified payment and we don’t have the money to pay it. Happy New Year! Me being mentally ill and Social Security being slow about approving people is costing us the house we have been in for 7 years since just before my daughter was born. It SUCKS!

    I hope that something miraculous happens for you to help you.

    p.s. I found your blog in the readomattic on here. Also, about the paypal donate button: it seems as if you have loyal readers who think that you should. Those that don’t, don’t have to donate. Even if it isn’t enough to save your house, it is something. And if you get nothing then you are no worse off than you are right now. Just my opinion

    J

    • The whole process is slow and demeaning! I hate that any person has to be in our situations. $75 reduction? Ummmmmmmmm I don’t mean to sound like an idiot or anything but how in the hell was that suppose to help you get back on your feet and save your house?!
      That’s exactly what both our families need is something miraculous to happen. :/
      Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your life here and your opinion. I know just to type it out sometimes can help so anytime just pick a post and type, you are very welcome here and believe me when I say I hear you on your situation. I am here for you.

  6. I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  7. *The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.

    • I’m sitting here staring at your comment and my only thought that comes to mind is, why did you even comment? I mean if my blog is a disappointment to you then just hit next and move on. What exactly was your agenda commenting on my blog with such a huge slap in the face?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s