I Can’t Breathe

Well tomorrow is the ‘company party’ and pretty much I am in my crunch mode and well pretty much fucking losing it.  I am still trying to figure out a way to not go and the only thing I can come up with is being run over by a UPS truck but then I think that’s not fair to the driver.  I have spent this whole week shaking inside and now the shaking has turned into a constant tremble that won’t go away no matter what I do.  I have barely slept, am grumpy as hell, and just want need silence to try and compose myself but that’s not happening anytime soon.  I do understand my hubby’s feelings but I am so frustrated that he won’t look at it from my point of view and see what kind of hell this is putting me through.  I need to go pace and try to breathe.

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15 thoughts on “I Can’t Breathe

  1. Silence is such a beautiful thing. When I feel like that I usually try to convince myself that I’m not going to wherever I don’t want to go. It usually works, you just have to seriously convince yourself or it won’t. At least it is only a few hours, and you wont’ have to socialize too much.

  2. All I can say is, it’s time to switch to “sales” mode. I know you have a history in sales and have more respect for that field than I do, but if ever there was a time for the false face and smile, this is it. Just “grin and bear it.”

    I can’t even begin to tell you how much I wish I had better advise than that! 😐

  3. (for something really weird) try the grammatical approach to deal with approaching stress.
    Take the event you care concerned with (company picnic or whatever) and express it to yourself in future terms. For example “at this point in time (say this Tuesday) it will have had already occured and therefore is in my past”.

    (May seem odd, but try it on some past stress events and you may get a sense of what happens when you can see a thing from the “point beyond the point of concern”.)

  4. (to complete the ‘something really weird’ grammatical approach to stress cited above), this right now is the …’will have already occured point’.

    I assume you survived the event yesterday, therefore you are here on the other side of it.
    There is (almost) always a ‘other side’ of stressful situations. Its just a matter of putting yourself there.

    Hope it is helpful.
    (as a note: stress is always a function of the future or the past, not the here and now. The more you avoid anticipation and/or recollection, the less the anxiety).

    Or something like that.
    (www.wakefielddoctrine.com)

    • Really either past or future? See I thought you could also feel stressed about the here and now. Let me give you an example…you are going along just fine, the phone rings, it’s the mortgage company, your stress level rises because you know it’s about money you don’t have. So the stress wasn’t there before the phone call, but arrives while you answer the phone. Or you are riding in a car, listening to music getting your groove on and then you approach a mack truck you have to pass. Wouldn’t that also be in the here and now, or is that future stress? I do see your point about the company get together though. You have me intrigued, I’ll have to check out the website. Thanks!

  5. “…you are going along just fine, the phone rings, it’s the mortgage company, your stress level rises because you know it’s about money you don’t have. So the stress wasn’t there before the phone call, but arrives while you answer the phone.”

    I would suggest that the stress arises when you begin to think ahead, the implications of the call. After all, if the caller simply says “I am calling from the mortgage company..” that statement does not do anthing, it is the anticipation the future events that springs from the call that cause stress.

    Yes, it is not practical (or particularly sane) to cut off all anticipation/projection into the future. Not possible, but the concept (of the here and now) can be used to break-up the momentuum of the stress. Most of us can deal with passing stress, it is the relentless voice inside, imagining and re-imagining and tre-imagining the awful future that wears us down.

  6. I have totally felt like this plenty of times. As a matter of fact one of my posts today will be about panic attacks and how I got over them without meds. It will probably be up later on tonight so you might wanna check back- I have experience with ending up in the ER multiple times, freaking out and yelling at Dr’s about how I am not crazy and it’s not all in my head LOL. I can’t think of anything worse than a panic attack unless you actually die- they’re that bad. So I feel your pain……..

  7. weird as it sounds, I take Kristi’s last line (‘…can’t think of anything worse than a panic attack unless you actually die…’) as the place constructive action can begin.
    That is the place that I try to get myself to, that is: alright so I die. So the f*ck what?

    (Ok maybe more than just weird).

    It just happens that I was in the car with a business associate yesterday and the panic attack topic came up. We both found common ground on:
    the anxiety of the attack and its effects are as real as a broken leg;
    knowing it is a panic attack helps (knowing that it is not a heart attack and that you are otherwise physically healthy is important;
    interupting the build up of physical effects, hypo- ventilating, tensing shoulders and neck etc is most help mostly because it gives me something to do, something that lets me see it for what it is:

    a very long mental sneeze

    best relax and let it go.

    (www.wakefielddoctrine.com)

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