Please Don’t Make Me Go!

“but hun, I’m giving you 10 days notice on this!”  my husband said when he called me on the 10th to let me know about ‘the company picnic’ that I am supposedly required to attend with him and the kids.  GASP!  That’s THIS Sunday!  The panic and anxiety about this are consuming my every hour of every day, yup including sleeping hours.  What the hell am I going to do?  Hmmmmmmmmmm I could get sick really quick, no that won’t work, I am required to go.  This is probably the only thing about me that annoys the hell out of my husband, not wanting to socialize, not wanting to be around people for that many hours at a time.  I can handle anyone for 30 minutes but for 6 hours and 60 people?!?  and sober at that!

He and the owner of the company have decided to bribe me with cash, “you are guaranteed $100 at one of the games.”  I hate to say this but I’d rather NOT have the $100.

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11 thoughts on “Please Don’t Make Me Go!

  1. it’s “the company picnic”, and unfortunately it’s about professionalism, I’m his right arm when it comes to working. That’s just the way it is in sales, to not go means disrespect, it means I don’t support his career, it means I don’t support him to the fullest and it also would give the impression that I am better than them. In a way it is family, these people would give me a kidney if I needed it, and all of them would give up their lives for my kids lives in a heartbeat. When I quit to become a sahm, the owner of the company saw to it that we could live comfortably financially for 3 months so we didn’t need to worry about bills and could just smile and have a good time with my daughter, it’s hard to go from a 2 income family to a 1 income family and he saw to it that we didn’t have to need anything. When I quit and went into the hospital for those 6 weeks before she was born, everyone of them banded together to help us out and the owner knew I didn’t have family that would be there for me, talk with me, visit me so he took that all on by himself.
    So then you’re probably wondering why don’t you want to go? Well isolation has it’s own hurts and it’s sometimes impossible to overcome them. :/
    Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Man, oh man, how I can relate to this one! If you were to ask my ex why our marriage broke up, I’m certain that she would list my lack of participation in “family outings” second only to my drug use. It’s funny that, as much as I disliked going to them, I almost welcomed the work-related gatherings that I “needed” to attend just so I had some family outings to my credit. I know it was never enough though.

  3. Yes anything is easier than stepping out of my comfort zone. Sigh.
    You know Mak, I don’t know what annoys my hubby more, my whining about outings to come or my alcoholism. I think they are both intertwined (how the hell do you spell that word!). I used to be a social person so long ago, now if you say I have to be social, I immediately have anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t know how to get past it.

  4. I never figured out how to get past it either. I’d have to go back to my childhood to find a time when I was the closest to “normal” socially, but there were many times when an outing sounded inviting when it was still off in the future, only to change over time into some terrible approaching nightmare. Mt ex complained about it being embarrassing for her and the kids to always show up alone. Somehow, my describing how much more embarrassing it would be for me to have a panic attack in front of her family, friends, and strangers didn’t help.

    BTW, my spell checker liked your spelling of “intertwined” just fine.

  5. EXACTLY! about the embarressment, that’s where my before anxiety comes from, the anticipation of the panic attacks, the embarressment of it all.

    I was thinking about how my isolation issues have become so extreme and when they became a normal for me. It was while I was pregnant with my daughter, I was still drinking and really had to hide it. Oh god, wouldn’t you hate having to go back to being a child? That would definately bring about psychiatric issues for me.

    I sware intertwined doesn’t look like a real word. Thanks for your spell checker. 😉

  6. It amazes me sometimes how humans, especially us Americans, brag about how “free” and “open” we are, while at the same time wearing false faces or hiding away completely. Sometimes I really resent all those people who keep saying, “Come on, you’ll have a good time! It can’t be as bad as you think!” And it never actually is as bad as I expect. Or at least not in the way I expect. And yet, the longer I’m out, the more like a nightmare it becomes.

    On a lighter note, I “swear” intertwined IS spelled correctly. 🙂

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