I never understand how if I am taking my medication appropriately, eating okay, taking care of myself, how is it that my manic side can come out? Why can’t this be a simple illness, like my alcoholism. Why? I hate so much how after the manic episode I crash, physically mentally, and emotionally. My brain never stops working though, it’s always driving 10 miles over the speed limit, and I think that’ s why I crave a drink so much because I just want that part of the illness to stop or at least slow down. It’s so hard to keep up with my thoughts, drinking solved that problem for me and I have yet to figure out another way to solve it or at least make it slow down. It would be nice if it would slow down to at least the speed limit.
Why does everything have to be so black and white for this alcoholic, bipolarized woman? Either I am cruising at a speed not known to man or I crash into a ravine.