Just Have to Think

I never understand how if I am taking my medication appropriately, eating okay, taking care of myself, how is it that my manic side can come out?  Why can’t this be a simple illness, like my alcoholism.  Why?  I hate so much how after the manic episode I crash, physically mentally, and emotionally.  My brain never stops working though, it’s always driving 10 miles over the speed limit, and I think that’ s why I crave a drink so much because I just want that part of the illness to stop or at least slow down.  It’s so hard to keep up with my thoughts, drinking solved that problem for me and I have yet to figure out another way to solve it or at least make it slow down.  It would be nice if it would slow down to at least the speed limit.

Why does everything have to be so black and white for this alcoholic, bipolarized woman?  Either I am cruising at a speed not known to man or I crash into a ravine.

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6 thoughts on “Just Have to Think

  1. Wow! It’s amazing how much are lives seem to run in parallel, even though our diagnosis and “drug of choice” are so different. Your post is so well timed for me that it’s hard to describe.

    All the drama surrounding the incident with my son, and my escalating anxiety over the need to make my appointments to resume treatment for my ills, had built into the kind of mad crisis that no one should have to endure. Thankfully, those things are behind me and I can get back to what is “normal” for me.

    Like you, my mind never stops racing. At least you’ve been able to keep on publishing to your blog. These
    “mental tornadoes” always leave me with a pile of excited scribbling that I wrote in the middle of them that I have to sort out once I calm down.

    Hang in there sister. 🙂

    • Oh I have scribbles, most of what I write or even think doesn’t get the chance of coming to my blog. I’m actually quite bashful with publishing my writing. Although I know that it is helpful to write things/thoughts out I wonder if it confuses my brain also.
      I’m glad to hear that some of the drama is behind you. You hang in there also Mak!

  2. Step 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him…Stop trying to figure it out.Check out Matt6:25-27
    Peace

  3. you could try doing a puzzle or something hahahaha. They help me get organized when I need to focus. Except I’m usually on my comp so I usually play solitare

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