Is It Me or Is It Dark In Here?

Last night while watching  Intervention  for some reason a deep depression started to lurk in my brain, started to itch in my heart; which in turned led to major drinking thoughts.  I’ve actually been able to feel the depression kind of slinking its way into my mind for a couple of days.  Something just hasn’t felt right.  I didn’t drink though, don’t really feel comfortable with drinking at this point.  Why?  I don’t know, it just feels unsafe and causes major panic attacks.  I ac’tually have had a drink since July 8th and well I didn’t even like it, I just couldn’t enjoy drinking for some werid reason but then again I haven’t enjoyed drinking for some time now.  I can’t promise that tomorrow I’ll be sober or even tonight, just that right now, right this minute I don’t want a drink, I don’t want to feel the panic or anxiety, I don’t want to feel defeated once again.  I’m hoping that one day I can feel somewhat like a normal person and can go day to day and not fear that at some point a black abyss is washing over me, or a neurotic piece of my brain is in control.  I think I’m too sensitive for this world, I think my outer skin is too thin and I think that my ‘bubble’ is probably harming me more than keep me safe.  I don’t know what I want or need at this time.  I need to pace.  I need to decompose.

On another front, I received a call last night from a company that does telemarketing from home.  I was able to do my phone interview and I have to call back tomorrow to set up the next portion of the interview process.  So I’m hoping to have a job soon.  I guess we shall see.

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2 thoughts on “Is It Me or Is It Dark In Here?

  1. Hi Bats

    I was hoping we could use your ’scribing’ talent for our website.

    the best shows you’re not

    You blogged about Intervention which is one of our featured “BSwatch” shows. We’re hoping to round up a few people who can occasionally contribute perspective (via an article/blog) on the shows – maybe a recent episode, future direction, plot shortcomings etc.

    What’s in it for you?
    Primarily a larger audience back channeled to your blog. The site has a lot of promise and we’re pretty excited about getting it off the ground. Let me know what you think.


    Tem M.T.
    Junior Editor

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