A Small Defining Look Into Bats

to·mor·row [ tə máwrō ]
noun (plural to·mor·rows)
1. next day: the day after today
2. future: a future time, or the future in general
the leaders of tomorrow
1. on next day: on the day after today
2. in future: in the future, or at some time in the future
[ Old English tō morgenne “in the morning”]
like or as if there was or were no tomorrow used to emphasize the degree of speed, intensity, or carelessness with which somebody is doing something (informal)
He was spending money like there was no tomorrow.

Okay so I can at least understand how to use tomorrow in the last sentence there, I can definitely spend money like there is no tomorrow.  Kinda one of my down falls and it was explained to me that it’s a trait of my Bipolar Disorder.  I sometimes wonder if it’s also a trait of my alcoholism, I used to spend an enormous amount of money on alcohol everyday, every month and now that I’m not I just have this impulsive feeling that if I don’t then something horrible will happen in my world.  I sometimes do it, okay most of the times do it without even thinking about it, and sometimes a rush can be involved but most of the time not, most of the time frustration and self loathing is involved.  I hate who I’ve become and what I have become in my life.  If someone would’ve told me when I was 16 that I would be what I am at 34 then I most likely wouldn’t have wanted to see a tomorrow.  But I guess I have to do with what I am and process who I am so I can better myself and not be this when I hit 40.  It’s the processing that’s getting me, I guess.  I have processing, after a day of processing I feel like my being is decomposing.  The day after processing is so exhausting, hell at this point every tomorrow is exhausting.

Tomorrow I have to take my daughter to get her blood drawn which is going to be exhausting in it’s self.  She hates, and I mean HATES doing this.  She gets frightened and confused at the prospect of it.  And most of the people who do the drawing of the blood have no patience when it comes to a scared child which in turn is why my daughter hates doing this.  She’s also not happy about having to do this fasting thing, “That means no desert Mom,”  said with her annoyed attitude voice.  “We all aren’t going to have any sweetie.”  We all aren’t going to be up all night from the fear of all of this for her either, just she and I.  But lets see what tomorrow brings, it may shock us.

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One thought on “A Small Defining Look Into Bats

  1. Man, oh Man! That balance between wanting your child to just suck it up and get on with it, and wanting to throttle the insensitive jerk of a med. tech. that just doesn’t seem to know how to be nice about it. I got through it by telling myself that that was their version of being nice – after having done it a zillion times. That sort of worked for me, but didn’t help my terrified kid one little bit!

    BTW, I’m a 53 year old addict who once thought he’d have “fixed” the world by the age of 33. I’ll leave it to your imagination as to where the number 33 comes from, but I’m very familiar with stinkin’ thinkin’. 😐

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