A Smile and A Procedure

Well two things this morning, on my mind. One positive and has me smiling, and feeling warm and fuzzy inside. The other, I didn’t sleep at all because of, I have a headache over and I’m in semi panic over. I guess you could say I have good news and bad news for you this morning.

Good news: My daughter is home. She’s excited to be here and missed us terribly so. As we ate dinner last night, I have never heard her talk so fast and about nothing in particular. She is wonderful, beautiful, and I am so happy to have her home with us. She had a wonderful time and apparently learned a whole set of cheers that she just needs to show me. I love the enthusiasm kids have towards life and I hope she can always feel that towards life and nothing or anyone takes that away from her.

Bad news: My Dad is at the hospital and having a ‘procedure’ done today to let us know if his heart is operable or there is just nothing they can do from this point and it’s time for us to start the ‘preparing’ of the coming times ahead. I spoke with him yesterday and he said wasn’t feeling at all good but they are still going right ahead with doing it because we just can’t wait any longer. He sounded stressed. He didn’t sound frightened though and he comforted ME instead of me comforting HIM. I swear my Dad is the best. He assured me that everything was in control and he would walk out of there knowing what he needed to know. He was wonderful and spoke with me about what he thought of my hubby’s accident and what his opinion was that we should do. Then I put us back on topic, 😉 I feel so horrible that I can’t be there with him and I was so infuriated when I found out that my mother isn’t going to the hospital for him and to be with him. Sigh…I just have no hope for my mother. When I was small my mother developed pancreatic cancer and yes she survived! Can you believe that? My mother had this dibilatating cancer that kills so quickly, rapidly, and without feeling but MY mother survives that and I’m sure she did because my Dad was there with her every step of the way, only left the hospital to eat, shower, or to take me home. He loved her so much and I believed it saved her, his love. But now she is so mentally ill that she can’t see what’s laying right in front of her face, that now it’s her turn to help him, to love him, to save him.

Anyway…my Dad told me he’d call me to let me know how everything is, I don’t expect a call. I can’t imagine he’s going to beable to call me so I’m going to call them tonight and see how everything went. I’m nervous and yesterday I just didn’t want to hang up with him because I mean what if it was the last time I would talk with him, there’s too much unsaid.

I’ve got to go pace…

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