First off, update on hubby…he feels like crap! The medicine they prescribed him makes him feel nauseous and loopy and does shit for his pain. The good news…he’s still alive! Well that’s the good news until he gets on my nerves and I’m going to have to call someone to take him to do something at his office. It’s bound to happen, him annoying me that is. When he was selling windows and doors, he worked 16 hour days and we got along fabulously then he lost his job and was home for a month, A MONTH! Not to be rude but this is my domicle damn it. Everyone always asks how come we get along so well…the answer…we hardly ever saw each other! HA! No seriously, I sound horrible and mean, we love each other, we loved having our kids together, we do enjoy being in the same room as each other and yada, yada, yada. Trust me he has the same answer as me and we reply to the “how do you all get along so well” question the same and in front of each other. So that’s my update on him, hopefully he’ll beable to go back to work Wednesday, that should be about the time he will start getting bugged by me leaving the toilet lid up and I’ll be bugged by him leaving his glasses half full on the end table.
So on to other topics…
I thought this morning I could talk a little about alcoholism and my feelings on whether or not I’m genetically linked to it or if it’s learned behavior. I guess when you are trying to figure out the genetic heritage of your alcoholism the best thing to do would be to look as far back in your bloodline to if anyone suffered from alcoholism. For myself, I had to do this a few years ago for an outpatient treatment that I never finished, but that part is a whole other topic in and of it’s own. Now as for my mothers side of the family I don’t know much, she never tells me anything and well that’s probably because of how much she herself was emotionally abandoned as a child, not to mention physically abandoned. I do know there was evidence that her mom and dad both consumed a lot of alcohol but we have always been more concerned with psychological issues like manic depression and schizophrenia than anything else. One thing I know for sure is that I definately received the gift of Bipolar Disorder from her side. We don’t know anything of her brother and sisters because my mom and them were given over to the state and placed into different foster homes and bounced from one to the other until they were of adult age and supposedly could care for themselves. My mother is an active alcoholic.
Now as for my Dad’s side of the family. He and I have only been able to trace back to his grandparents with 100% knowledge of alcoholism, he can’t be a sure of anything before that. His grandparents were alcoholics, his parents were alcoholics and we know that atleast he is an alcoholic and he doesn’t feel comfortable with saying whether or not any of his siblings are also alcoholics. I know my Grandma was, when she died of cancer she was 65 and she died in a complete alcoholic delirium. When we cleaned out her apartment after she was gone we found 32 hidden half filled bottles, we still to this day have no clue how she got them since she hadn’t left her apartment in years. My Grandpa had died at 45, of alcoholism. He was always drunk and he died drunk. Funny how my Dad never has anything negative to say about him, I can tell in my Dad’d eyes how much he loved his dad and respected him, and how much he missed him.
So if I was going to guess whether or not my DNA holds alcoholic traits, I would 100% think that somewhere in it I was bound to be an alcoholic. If I was to say I was born to be an alcoholic, yes but I do have the control of whether or not I’m an active alcoholic. Do I think I have to be on the lookout for alcoholism in my children, yes and when they are old enough I’ll explain why to them.
But what about learned behavior? When I was born it was the norm that if your baby was fussy and teething, you placed a bit of whiskey on their gums to sooth them. It was the norm that at Christmas and Thanksgiving that when family got together the kids could get litte nips of wine or champagne. I grew around alcoholic, it was a daily exercise. My aunt is married to a gentleman straight from Italy and one of his pride and joys is the wine cellar of all the wine he makes and it’s a daily practice in his household that wine is served with lunch and dinner. Boy was I excited when I visited them for dinner! Because EVERYONE drank wine at dinner. When I grew up, it was a time of crab bakes and beer, steak and beer, not to mention bottles of whiskey and wine. Alcohol flowed during my childhood the same way that a garden hose does. I took my first alcoholic drink at 12 and from that first moment I knew that I loved the damn stuff.
So not only does my DNA contribute but I was taught also how accepted it was to drink and to drink a lot, to drink to access and drunkenness for whatever reasons and to do this every chance you can get. What have I concluded from years of looking at my drinking, judging it, thinking about it, and getting sick over it? My name is Bats and I’m an alcoholic.