Bats: I’m here to see Dr. SoandSo for a 12:30.
Receptionist: Hi nice to see you, please fill out ALL of this, bring it back here and then Dr. SoandSo will see you.
In the paperwork is just all the normal mumbo jumbo, including the dreaded form to sign that says that if the insurance coverage doesn’t pay them all of the money then I’ll get billed. I sighed…then read it about 5 times. There was no way out, I had to sign it if I wanted relief, if I wanted to see Dr. SoandSo and get my much needed relief. Then of course the off the wall paperwork…the survey that asks you between 1 and 5 how much do you want to die, none. I don’t want to, that’s why I’m here. Between 1 and 5 how are the relationships in your life, 5 being great and 1 being needing so much improvement that divorce is inevitable. I chose a solid 3. HA! I did my duty though, filled out ALL of the paperwork, then paced around this small in need of many improvements office. All the while thinking about how the windows need to be replaced, will he ever call me back, the carpet could use a little cleaning, what is that crap in the corner, will he ever call me back, they need better magazines, I should’ve brought my book, they’re eating chinese food for lunch, I could go for some chinese food, how do you make peking duck…I know I shouldn’t beable to remember all of those thoughts but when I am in a major manic mode and haven’t slept for over 2 days, I tend to concentrate only on the thoughts and tend to remember the majority of them.
Dr. SoandSo: Hi It’s nice to see you, how are you, please come back.
Bats: I’m good, okay.
Dr. SoandSo: Good? Are you sure? That’s not what it says here.
Bats: I know. It’s just how I have trained myself to respond to that question. Everyone asks how you are but no one really cares, it’s just mumbo jumbo talk to fill the space. No I am not good, would you like the other side of the story.
Dr. SoandSo: Not yet, but I can imagine but what you have included in this survey.
Bats: Oh, it’s called a survey?! Did you know you have no fish in your tank?
Dr. SoandSo: Yes, I did know that. Tell me about when you were diagnosed Bipolar.
Bats: I never said I was diagnosed Bipolar, I just filled out your survey.
Dr. SoandSo: I can tell you are Bipolar. What are you taking currently for it? How are you managing?
Bats: I’m not managing at all. I’m not taking anything for it at all. We just got back this expensive as hell insurance and well quite frankly I can’t afford any of this. I was taking Seroquel, Lamictal, Atarax.
Dr. SoandSo: Did those work before you stopped taking them?
Bats: Sigh…ABSOLUTELY, we can no longer afford those though, what can you do medicine wise for us financially? Or am I going to have to learn to live this way until I can get a job and my husband can make more money? I can’t live this way, it’s nerve racking, it’s insanity and it’s no longer fun.
Dr. SoandSo: Don’t worry, I’m going to do all I can to stop this train for you, okay?
Sigh…oh thank god and thankfully I hadn’t burst out laughing from his mushroom haircut. He prescribed me 4 medications and unfortunately some are so old that all the pharmacies around here don’t stock them so I’m waiting on the cheapest place to get them in. The medications are; tegretol (carbamazepine), atarax (hydroxyz), trilafon (perphenazine), and cogentin (benztropine). All of them have to be taken 3 times a day and I don’t want to even think of the side effects of any of them. I will say my drinking days are definately over, I can not in any shape or form drink while taking tegretol. I think that’s suppose to be a good thing and maybe a purposeful thing on his part. I should mention that he wanted me to take Lithium but I refused because my mother takes that and has for 22 years and I have watched her progress into basically an insane invalid. he didn’t push the subject and said we’d work around anything I was uncomfortable with. He also didn’t push the subject of me not driving because of panic, that’s a huge relief because everyone I know except my Dad and now him thinks I should just get over it. Well I’m not able to YET, damn it.
So that’s pretty much it, I’m just waiting for the pharmacy to get me my drugs so I can see if this train will stop before it wrecks.