Today is a new day and with this new day, I awoke with an amount of anxiety I can not describe, almost as if it’s tearing it’s way out of my chest. Fear is there, blackness, exhaustion. I’ve decided to lay here on the couch and only get up when my son wants something or I have to pee which ever comes first. It’s such a nice day out but I don’t have the umph to get out there and squint from all that light, I am at this point longing for 9pm when it’s dark and I can hide in the darkness. I want to be alone but it’s impossible with children and I know in a couple hours my hubby will get up and expect certain things that I just don’t feel like doing today.
Then there’s tomorrow, my son has school and that means I have to actually join in with the population and that thought brings my anxiety level even higher. Maybe I could just hide in the crawl space, but I don’t dig spiders and there are all sorts in there. I need to dig a cave; a cave only for me to run to when I need to be alone and hibernate. I wonder if I was suppose to be a bear in this life and someone somewhere made a mistake and made me this alcoholic, bipolar, manic, depressed woman? That’s a bit of a huge mistake, don’t ya think?