Excitement sometimes is an extreme feeling for me. My study materials came in the mail so I decided to get started right away. I felt the rush of excitement while I flipped through the imformation, stopping occassionally to read or look a bit more intently. I started squribbling notes immediately of things I didn’t want to forget that I read or saw. Then whipped up to find a power cord since the bushes need trimming, on my way down the stairs I grabbed a basket of laundry, threw that in and now am wiped out so thought I would sit here and think, type, figure out what should be next. I think I’m going to go with a shower.
I just read a blog post before I started to post this about how alcoholism isn’t all about the alcohol. How true that is! I mean I didn’t neccessarily drink because I enjoyed the taste or even sometimes the physical effects. I drank because I needed to numb myself from so many things; one being how I am right now…the highs and lows. In the end though, I know that the alcohol helps make the highs too high and the lows too low. Somewhere, somehow I lost the ability to get to that perfect feeling and then it really became out of control; meaning both the alcoholism and the bipolar disorder.