So I figured since I’m laid up sick as a grounded bat, I’d go ahead and get back on track with writing and blogging. I’ve missed this time I get on wordpress and enjoy the blogs and the blogging. So….
First in regards to the upcoming pandemic of this generations flu bug, I’ve got the flu and while I’m feeling pretty darn ill, I think I’ll make it. There’s a flaw though in the American’s government plan on tracking this thing across the USA, there are millions of American like myself whom are going to get sick but don’t have health insurance so aren’t going to be able to seek out medical help so therefore won’t get counted in this thing. Just food for thought.
So what’s been up with me, you ask? Well my hubby totalled his car the end of February and lost his job, with that also went the health insurance. Without health insurance went my comfort of medications and therapy or even just doctors appointments. I can not explain how this has effected my life except to say in the most terrifying of ways…I now feel I have no control over emotions and sometimes thoughts. I now once again have to live a life of extremes and nothing in between. I now feel behind in my life and somedays it’s a struggle to just get the dishes done. I now do not sleep. In the whole big picture though, I am okay. I do still get out of bed each day and try, I atleast try which isn’t something I would’ve been able to accomplish two years ago before I was diagnosed.
How has any of this effected my alcoholism? I’m not sure yet. The only thing I do know I can say is that’s the only thing I feel I have control over…not drinking. One quick thought on my alcoholism…I’m tired of it. I’m tired of any time I have an opinion or thought, I get pegged as ‘spiritually sick’. Personally I think that myself without opinions would make for a rather boring ride so I’m not too sure how I am feeling about some in AA. Let me give you an example….I called my doctor’s office to ask about what I can take or do about the pain I have in my ears since this ‘flu like’ illness has seemed to travelled into my ears. I was asked what I was currently taking for the flu. I replied half doses of Day Quil and Nyquil pills. I was then hmmmmmmm I’m searching for the right word, advised that since I am an alcoholic I should never take Nyquil again. I then advised the receptionist that there was no alcohol in them but she kept on and I just wanted advice for the pain in my ears, I didn’t want to discuss my alcoholism at that time. My opinion is she could’ve just answered my question without a boat load of crap about everything else. I found her annoying and bitchy, again that’s just an opinion of mine. When I am in pain, I tend to just want to solve the pain problem and not deal with anything else but that. A lecture about my alcoholism or debate about Nyquil Sinus Tabs wasn’t helping with that. So since it seems I must have been taking her inventory because this is the way I felt about it then, I am spiritually sick, atleast according to some who are associated with AA. I’m just tired of the word ‘sick’ being thrown around. I’m bipolar so I’m sick, I’m alcoholic so I’m sick, I have a bad day so I’m spiritually sick, I have opinions about someone or something so I’m spiritually sick. I’m sick of being called or thought of as sick. It’s tiring on my mind and heart.
I’m sure I can think of other things I’m sick about but I have to go put ear drops in and take some medicine since I’m sick.