It’s Grey

I’m sitting here listening to some very girlie rabbit like cartoon that my littlest one is watching and since he’s a boy, maybe it’s time to change the channel.  Just peeking out the window and seeing how grey it is outside, it’s actually quite calming or actually I’m thinking more along the lines of depressing.  Great just what I need today, depression.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking up ideas for the AA meeting I am going to chair next week.  Of course there are the usual ideas like gratitude, spirituality, step work, how much sobriety brings into ones life, and of course trials and tribulations.  I think however, that I’m going with ‘Future’ as my topic.  We spend so much time wishing we can go back to change every little thing that has gone wrong in our lives but never talk about living more than one day at a time…which is possible btw.  And when you’re a recovering alcoholic, than a lot of days you can spend going what if?…why did I?…how can I change that about myself?…but yet we forget that being sober makes our future easier.  Life of course isn’t easy but it sure is easier when I’m sober.  So I am going to go with ‘Future’, the only thing is I don’t really have any plans for the future, not even for tomorrow.  Maybe I should make some so I can sound like I know what I am talking about.  Except the AA meeting is as far as I can get my mind to grasp making any plans.  I have today pretty okay planned out…but to go any farther I’m having problems coming up with anything that I want to or have to do.  So maybe this isn’t the right topic for me.  It sounded good though when I first thought about it.  I could talk about how I can make plans now because I know I’m not going to have a hangover or be too drunk to go through with them.  Now being sober the only reason I cancel plans is either discovering I really have no interest in it, kids sick or being a pain, or something more important pops up.  I’m still going to have to ponder the topic.  If all else fails, I can always use the topic of good coffee making, how many scoops per cup is appropriate and how important it is to make the coffee before people start to arrive.  Now that’s a perfect AA topic!

So now onto my grey day.  I have to edit this, pour some coffee, take a shower, do some laundry (like when is that not something I have to do?), get my 3 year old to speech class, grocery shop, maybe vacuum, water the xmas tree, and not forget to make food and eat it at some point  in time today, and then when all is said and done finish the book I started the other day…Waiting for Daisey A Tale of Two Continents, Three Religions, Five Infertility Doctors, an Oscar, an Atomic Bomb, a Romantic Night, and One Woman’s Quest to Become a Mother by Peggy OrensteinI know, an incredibly long and ridiculous title but it’s an unbelievable book and easy to get trapped into.

So lets get started by changing that damn channel!

2 thoughts on “It’s Grey

  1. As a fellow bipolar who has been through some of the listlessness and doldrums you talk about so vividly, I hope you get through your day in a better state than you began it. Try and have a plan-however loosely structured of the day’s events and try not to deviate from it and that should help a bit. (It sometimes works for me) Sincere best wishes.

    • Thanks! I have a problem with deviating but I do know what you have suggested works. My days normally end up a lot better than they start. Bipolar or not, I’m just not a morning person.

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