Today is my birthday so I want to do a little something here.  I’m very appreciative of life even when I don’t seem to be.  I’m very grateful for many things but today I’m very grateful for all of you; those that read or read and comment.  I’m grateful that I have a place to come that shows no stigma, no judgement; a place that accepts me for who  I am and doesn’t hate me on my bad days, doesn’t like me just because of money or hate me because I have none.  I’m grateful that there is a place I can come where there isn’t an upper or lower class, no celebrity class; I’m grateful we are all equal here and can support each other because we want to not because we feel we have to.  I’m grateful today to be able to be Bats.

Along with that, I won’t be shy and I’ll let you know I LOVE presents.  If anyone whom comes and reads could leave me a comment of just one thing you are grateful for today, that would be the best present of all!

Mr. Schmidt is a superb author even though he’s a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.  Check out some of his writing here:  Gil The Jenius and here:  Gil Schmidt At Work.  I promise you won’t be sorry.

Enjoy YOUR Simple Saturday!

When I was around the age of 2, my Grandmother babysat me while my Dad worked; lets just say that her babysitting was basically her getting stumbling around drunk while I amused myself. One day I decided I wasn’t going to just play inside, I wanted out and to walk around, jump, skip, cross the street. I ended up down the road at a neighbors house so I could play with their dogs, cats and snakes. They knew my situation, let me play, fed me and when my Dad returned home brought me back; safely. They looked out for me, looked out for my Dad, and for that I know my Dad has always been eternally grateful; as am I.

Where I live now even in my 30′s; I don’t feel safe, I don’t trust any of my neighbors and know that everyone around me is looking out for themselves not for others. I miss the comfort, safety, and awe of my hometown of Washington DC.

Alcoholics love their freedom; they love to be able to make the decision to drink themselves to death or not, just as long as WE get to make that decision and not someone else.  The funny thing is when I was drinking, in reality I had zero freedom; I gave up every freedom I had in order to get drunk every waking moment of every day.  I couldn’t live life because I had to drink, I had to have access to alcohol.  I scheduled my days and nights around alcohol, I scheduled activities around alcohol, heck I scheduled showering and eating around alcohol.

So when I went to detox and found out the only way I was going to get and stay sober was giving up every last bit of my distorted freedom, it’s fair to say, I was pissed off.  I didn’t want to live in what my mind was telling me was going to be jail; what I realize now is that I was already living in an insane asylum.  I gave up the right to have money, keys, thoughts.  I gave up the right to make my own decisions, I had to let someone else take the wheel for a while if I wanted to live.  I literally couldn’t trust my own self to shop for groceries because I knew that if I entered that store I was going to walk out with alcohol and start the whole ‘drink myself until I live in a blackout for two years’ thing again.  I had to do whatever deemed necessary to stay alive and if that meant taking my own picture to every liquor store in the county and tell them that if I came in to buy alcohol to not sell to me, another words embarrass the living shit out of myself, then so be it; I HAD TO LIVE.  I had to discover true freedom.

I’m here to tell you that I gave up freedom to gain true freedom and I’d do it again in a heart beat if I ever had to.

One of my top fears is public speaking. I’m actually terrified to the point of hiding in a bathroom or closet because of it. Seriously. I need to take a business course at a local college but I’m currently postponing signing up for it because I know that they will make me do Power Point presentations and I have nightmares about it and work myself up into a frenzy (panic) that I just can not speak up in front of a group of people, no matter how small. I know, I know, I’m being stupid, I’m being ridiculous, I’m being scared little kid about this. I’m letting my fear run and ruin my life. If I take this course it could mean I make more money, it could mean I get more out of what I guess is consider my career but yet I just can not overcome this….fear, this….confidence problem. But yet I HAVE to take this course, sober.

Do you have a fear that you feel is ruining your life?  Are you trying to overcome it?  How ?  Or how will you try to overcome it?

On January 18th, 2012 The She Chronicles will be going dark to protest against SOPA/PIPA.  This will be happening by making this site private for that day.  I know I have a small, not too popular website here and it probably won’t put too many out but if I do it and you do it, then maybe politicians and those that support SOPA/PIPA might double think what they are about to put in place.  Please consider doing this and passing on the idea to everyone you know.

I DO NOT and WILL NEVER SUPPORT SOPA/PIPA.

UPDATE:  With the enormous help of PiedType, I will be completely blacking out The She Chronicles in protest of the SOPA/PIPA on January 18th.  Please pass around the information of this post by PiedType on how you can also blackout your website.  I would like to suggest all of you to do it, as a matter of fact I beg of you to do it.

Quite honestly there’s nothing simple about my Saturday and quite honestly I’m suppose to be working right now so shhhhh don’t tell anyone I’m here or else I’ll get a lecture of wasting my time, not being productive and how a well oiled ship can’t run without the oil.  While I love my work, I’m overwhelmed.  I’ve no time for anything else and it’s about to blow up since my boss is leaving the country for a cruise.  I was told it was only going to be for a week but nope I found out that it’s actually two weeks and what does he do before he leaves?  He creates utter chaos, he starts new contracts, knowing that he needs to be around to complete them; only he won’t be around to complete them and well ummmm clients galore are going to be counting on me to finish (clean up) his work.  I’m tired, I need to do laundry, grocery shop, and hey I wouldn’t mind just a simple Saturday but it’s not going to happen.  I need to get back to work.  Blah.

So for my first Keep It Simple Saturday post of 2012; I’m drinking pumpkin spiced flavored coffee and reading Thirst by Claire Farrell.  It’s fun and sassy right now in Chapter 6 so I’m relaxing and having a great time today.

How about all of you?  Reading anything enjoyable?  Not so enjoyable but making yourself do it?  How simple is your Saturday, even if it has nothing to do with books and coffee?

But seriously…I’m the smoker and believe it or not I  know what I need to do and believe or not; I have no desire to quit smoking.  I know, I know….it’s bad for my health, it’s going to kill me, it’s no longer cool to smoke and yada, yada, yada.  To be quite frank; I couldn’t give two shits about any of that.  Do I enjoy smoking?  Hmmm that’s a good question.  I can tell you I don’t dislike it.  I can tell you I don’t wake up in the morning feeling like shit from it.  I can tell you also that I have zero amount of guilt for doing it.

I can also tell you that I can not stand ultimatums.  If someone says to me, “If you want this help then this is how it’s going to be”, I have the knee-jerk reaction of saying, “Screw you!  If I’m not good enough the way I am then so be it and you’re not worthy of being in my life.”  I’ve done that before.  When I was 17, my Dad told me that either it’s his way or the highway and guess what?  I chose the highway.  Sorry but that’s just my personality, it may be wrong, that may make you dislike me however that’s just me.  Maybe it’s my issue with authority and maybe it’s childish but I’m just like that when it comes to someone trying to tell me how my life needs to go.  So now I have to figure out what is the best way for me to deal with the ultimatums?  What’s the best for me?

Has someone in your life given you an ultimatum and how did you deal with it?  Are you like me and tend to see it as a slap in the face or do you follow along with it and do as they want from you?