18 Years Ago

18 years ago I gave birth to a child that was not alive.  I hurt every year on this day.  Physically and emotionally.  If you really know me then you know I love my kids.  So damn much.

Sigh.

Thank heavens I was able to let that out just now ,because I thought my chest was gonna explode.  I don’t have anyone I can talk about things like that to.

Wish me luck today y’all.

Let Us Explain It

Tonight or this morning which ever one works for you, I need to know how you explain mental illness and addiction to your loved ones.  Not only explain it to them but get them to understand what you are going through.

I am thoroughly frustrated.  Well maybe not frustrated but want people to understand.

I know how I feel in my mind but can no longer explain it.  I know how I feel in my body but can no longer explain it.  I’ve explained it out the ying-yang and no one gets it.

Okay good news!

I have a doctor’s appointment to discuss medication management which means a lot since I am on none and need to be for my bipolar disorder.  You have no clue.  Or maybe you do.  Who knows at this point.

Mental Health Issues Can Take Anyone

I have zero desire to add what year he was born and what year he died, sigh.

This one hit ME hard.  Being Bipolar and alcoholic…how can I possibly know that I will survive this when this man couldn’t?  Nobody in my life can understand those feelings.  I keep hearing because you don’t have Parkinson Disease, because you can do this, just brush it off it doesn’t mean anything.

But it does mean something.

Dear Robin Williams,

You have changed the world not only by laughter and drama but by us knowing what Mental Illness can do this.  So many are going to ‘try’ to seek help now because of you.  Sir, thank you.

Respectfully,

An alcoholic, bipolarized Bats

Quite honestly this death took me for a loop.  I shrug at it and hope I can continue on.